Paths

The 10 Commandments of God Exodus Chapter 20 1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. 2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. 3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. 4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. 5. Honour thy father and thy mother. 6. Thou shalt not kill. 7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. 8. Thou shalt not steal. 9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. 10. Thou shalt not covet. I have managed to break all but 1 of the above. "Thou shalt not kill." I gave up on Christianity/Catholicism when I was 12. My youth was....difficult at best. My mother expected perfection...perfect grades, and a trouble free child who was her mirror image....or at least the mirror of the past that she saw through some very rosy lenses. So....I was socially inept, to put it kindly. For years & years, every night I would say my prayers. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.....God bless mommy, and daddy, and Please God, let me just have a true friend in my life." Unfortunately, as far as my young little mind was concerned, that prayer was never answered. School was a torment for me. I never really understood it. I didn't feel like I was asking God for anything so difficult. I wasn't asking for world peace, or an end to starvation. I just wanted a friend. When I was 17, my path was led to the below. The Nine Satanic Statements from The Satanic Bible, ©1969 by Anton Szandor LaVey 1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence! 2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams! 3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit! 4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates! 5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek! 6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires! 7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all! 8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification! 9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years! When I was 17, this made an incredible amount of sense to me. Suddenly I was seeing the world from a completely different perspective. I didn't have to keep bending over, I didn't have to keep letting people fuck with me, stomp on me, and hurt me. The above, tied in with some things I had learned from a rather amazing high school counselor, helped me to start taking my life back. Helped me start being stronger, stand up for myself, and have a little more belief in myself. Somewhat congruent with my explorations in Satanism a la LeVey...I was also exploring the paranormal.....ghosts, witches, vampires, faeries, spirits & whatnot. I had discovered an affinity for being able to work through/with crystals....minor healing, and some mind to mind contact. I also seemed to have developed a rather interesting sense of pre-cognition. Dreaming about future events....and not remembering anything solid....just vague impressions, fleeting thoughts...until the events took place....and suddenly the vagueness became clear....a solid memory, as if I had already experienced the event that just happened. I also discovered, through my friends talking to me about their dreams....that I was able to pull people into my dreams. Once I realized that, it became a rather convenient way, over the years, to have meetings and talks with people, that weren't practical to have in the mundane world. A few years later, I discovered, rather accidentally, that I could cast spells to, strictly by the force of my own will. I was in a rather bad living situation. My so-called fiancee was stealing from me. Stole my money (several hundred that I had well hidden), as well as records and other things he could sell for cash. So....I made plans to move. But, I had to find a way to protect everything in the interim. So, I walked around the apartment and very strongly put out 'there' that what was mine, was mine, and nothing was to leave the house unless I was taking it myself, or authorized it. Well, 2 weeks later, I was moving out. My 2 friends helping me kept having little accidents.....tripping, running into things, dropping stuff. One of them finally asked me if I had set up a protection spell on the place. That was when it dawned on me....it worked! So, I quickly ran around and announced that these 2 people were ok....and that was the end of the accidents. That discovery led to the next path.... Wiccan Law Bide the wiccan law ye must, in perfect love and perfect trust. Eight words the wiccan rede fulfill; and ye harm none, do what ye will. What ye send forth comes back to thee, so ever mind the rule of three. Follow this with mind and heart, and merry ye meet and merry ye part. Blessed Be. I generally try to follow this.....but to put it simply, I'm not always a nice person. Maybe it's just my general personality, maybe it was the 3 years of reading anything I could by Anton LaVey....who really knows. I do know....I do *not* particularly believe in a deity. No 1 god or goddess. I believe there is a higher power of some sort, but I don't know who or what it is....and I don't believe that it is just 1 higher being. If I had to commit to believing in deities....I'd probably stick to the Greek Pantheon. I do believe in ghosts, spirits, faeries and the like. I put a lot of faith in what I have seen & felt, on a personal level. I have seen and felt those things, therefore, I believe. I do not follow the recipe book of spell casting. I do understand that some people need the focus....but for me, keeping track of what clothes I have to wear, what incense I have to burn, what hour of the day/month/year that I have to cast on....ectectect.....it's a distraction for me. I've proven to myself that I can cast perfectly fine just putting my own will out there, plain and simple. I've tried spell casting the way that many say it's 'supposed' to be done.....and I never have been able to accomplish much with it. During the last several years....I've sort of gotten away from it all. I collect occult & wiccan books, but I haven't read most of them. I've got everything I need for an alter, but no place to put it (at least no place that the cat can't get to). Years ago, my crystals were all rather poisoned, due to an excess of negativity in my life....and while they have bee thoroughly cleansed, I haven't felt them 'call' to me, to use them. I've been going to Pantheacon for the last 8 years.....but all in all, I just haven't felt a driving need to make my spirituality a more prominent force in my life. I've done a few minor spells in the last few years....which all worked rather well....but that's about it. Sometimes.....I think there is something missing....this lack of spirituality....but by & large, I just don't feel driven at this point, to take it all up again.