Yesterday you'd forgiven me but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

1989 - I moved back to Northern California after being gone for about a year. 1990 - Got kicked out of my apartment, and moved in to Kiri's place in San Jose. 1990 - Few months later moved in with MS. 2 tumultuous years later, left MS & moved in with RR. Winter 1991/92 - Met Rik 2 tumultuous years later, left RR & moved in with Rik. ...and there begins the change. I'll be the first to admit that I hurt people, did stupid things, and generally was a screw-up from the ages of 17-23....but when anyone looks back to those years in their life, how many can honestly say that they didn't fuck up in some way back then too? Some people can just shrug & walk away.....others....remember the past and keep it as a blue-print as how *not* to live in the future.....that is my way. I remember how I treated people, and I remember how I was treated....and out of all that, I managed to develop ethics & a conscience of sorts....and I really strive not to do the same bad things to a new group of people....and I also strive to avoid the situations that I got myself into back then. Call it bragging or a total lack of modesty.....but I believe that I've changed in the last 10 years. I'm not the same bitch that I used to be (now I'm a different bitch. P). I found someone who was *worth* making it work, someone who I loved enough to *not* run away from, someone who I loved enough that the thought of not having them around anymore was enough to get me into therapy for a few years, so that I *could* keep him around. In the 9 years that I've been married.....I've watched a lot of the people I used to hang around with from 17-23.....go.....not really much of anywhere. Quite a few have gotten married.....divorced....repeat.... Some are still lost in their drug or alcohol hazed worlds. Some never managed to find that something that made their live worth something.....that thing that they wanted to strive for, grow for, change for. During the last 9 years, I've run into some of these people, here & there. All the time it's the same ol stuff....I get treated like I was *still* the same screwed up person they knew a long time ago. "Are you still married.....to the same guy?" "You *haven't* cheated on him (gasp!!)" I have people I never even knew back then.....come up to me 5+ years after the fact and say "I don't know you, but so & so said this & that....and you were (insert insult here)." Telling people who we didn't even know back then....all about who I *used* to be.....when did *I* become such an important topic of conversation? Hell, I've forgotten most of the details of most of those people....sometimes I'm hard pressed to even remember their names....but after 5-10 years, I'm still fresh in their minds? Strange....very strange. Yes.....this *does* all have a point. I must offer an apology to TC. For years I've been getting pissed at people who won't believe that I've changed....and then I turn around and refuse to give someone else that same benefit of doubt. I'm sorry. If the offer of starting over is still there....I'm game.