The Day After

The con was good. Drama was very low...mostly revolving around 1 person and her overly aggressive & negative energy. I saw the old ex of mine (mentioned in a previous post regarding trying to get her out of my life)....we spoke 1 time on Friday, and then just blithely walked past each other the rest of the weekend. Got to have fun with a few women who I would just adore spending more time with....but I'm not sure if any of them are that interested in me. Vicki was wonderful as usual. Having her be at my beck & call all weekend was lovely. Husbeast seemed to have had a good time as well. I'm happy we went, happy we had a good time, and happy to be home & relaxing. Kshandra - once again, you looked STUNNING in that corset. Mzmtnlion - Hopefully we can do our cuddling & chatting at a later date. :)

Baycon 2004

I'll be heading out in a few hours. Got a few errands to run, but Rik & I should be getting to the DoubleTree around 2:00 - 3:00. I look forward to seeing those I haven't seen in a while....hugging those I haven't hugged in days.... and the little bitch inside is looking forward to rubbing a few faces into the fact that I've been happily married for 10 years!!! Seriously....some people were actually placing bets as to whether or not I'd show up to my own wedding....and whether or not the marriage would even last 6 months. Every Baycon, I get asked by people (who I see this one time a year) the same 2 questions. Are you still married? To the same guy? I'm 33, not 21. I know I did dumb things, and hurt good people.....but I grew up & I changed. Some other people need to do the same.

What's in a Name?

VALIADEREKIN

V	Virile
A	Ambivalent
L	Lovable
I	Important
A	Ambitious
D	Dreamy
E	Earthy
R	Raw
E	Exquisite
K	Keen
I	Inspirational
N	New

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com VALIA

V	Virtuous
A	Altruistic
L	Legendary
I	Insane
A	Appreciative

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Messaging Me

For anyone who had me on their ICQ list.... I deleted that program from my system. I got sick of all the spam messages, and as far as I can remember, I haven't had a message from a friend in at least 6 months. If anyone has a burning desire to talk to me online, my Yahoo Messager IM address is mstrs_valia. Ciao!

It's Quiz Time

You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
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narcissistic

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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You have a free soul! As all the souls go, yours is
the most free-spirited and adventurous. You
like camping, hiking, or interaction with other
people. Your a social butterfly, but not
because of your style, but because of your
willingness to communicate with everyone. You
probably have close friends who can rely on you
because you always seem to know whats going on
in the world. You love music and are
free-spirited and someone fun to be around. A
born leader and great explorer-dont ever
change-the world needs more people like you.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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Forward

What's your sexual appeal?
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You're chocolate. You're the old soul type, people
feel that they have known you their entire
life. Many often open up to you for they view
you as thoughtful and trustworthy. Although
people trust you, you have a hard time trusting
them. You prefer to keep your feelings bottled
up inside, or display them very quietly. It is
alright to open up every once in a while.

Which kind of candy are you?
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Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
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Your a Magical Angel!Out of all the angels, you are
the one most afflicted with magic. You can do
many enchantments as well as sorcery. You cant
do black magic, because even though your not so
"pure" your still an angel. A very
kind and curious one at that. Magical Angels
are always very easy-going with humans, but
intrestingly enough, like to expirement with
them with their spells.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
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You are most likely to be the Vampire
Zealot!
The Zealot is the vampire that is utterly addicted
to what it is. Overcome by the sensations and
capabilities it possesses, it exists to simply
enjoy anything and everything pertaining to its
heightened vampire existence; it lusts for all
things available to it, blood, sex, power,
money, immortality. Neither identifiably
well-intentioned or malicious, these are
trivial matters to the zealot, as its existence
is focused on the sensations it can achieve.
The zealot always appears most seductive and
alluring, an utter sex symbol. As it is always
pushing the limits of what it can do for the
sheer pleasure of doing so, often it can be a
very powerful vampire, simply from the sheer
experience of its addiction.

Dominant personality trait: Lust
Dominant color: Red
Fictional Vampire Examples: LeStat ('Interview with
the Vampire'), Claudia ('Interview with the
Vampire')

Curious to see how you would fare as a creature of
the night? Come this way...

Vampire Classification Quiz (w/ Pics)
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You are a bronze dragon! You are the biggest of
the males, and generally you are the only one
who gets to mate with the queen. You are an
excellent leader. Your human partner is likely
to be a Wingleader or even Weyrleader, the
person in charge of the entire Weyr, and you
are the mate of the senior queen. You are
respected by the lower colors, and if you are
the Weyrleader's dragon you are always obeyed,
unless the queen contradicts you. Since queens
are relatively uncommon, you are widely
considered by humans the best dragon to be
paired with.

What color of Pernese dragon are you?
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Being Alone & Being a Dork

Yeah I know, that makes no sense....but I've got 2 things on my mind & I didn't feel like making 2 different posts. #1 - I'm not good at being alone. I don't like going out to eat alone. I don't like going to parties alone. I don't like going to Exiles alone. It's not often that I even like being home alone. I guess I'm either just not good company for myself....I don't know how to entertain myself.....or I'm so damned needy that I can't cope with being by myself. I feel....lonely. Like no one really wants to be with me. Even surrounded by people....I'm alone. Unless there are people I know, that I can talk to.....I just stand/sit there doing nothing. At Exiles, before the program & during the break....I'll just be reading a book....sometimes glancing around the room...hoping someone would notice me and talk to me.....Most times, I'm lousy at just starting conversations with total strangers. I'm not sure what to say. I'm shy. I'm terrified of rejection. Onto topic #2 - Sometimes, I seem to have the personality of a shy, teenage boy who's hormones are running amok. First of all, there's boobs....I seem to lose all train of thought when I see cleavage, or even worse, naked breasts. I'm just mesmerized.....I could stare for hours....imagining lying my head on them, stroking them, tasting them....you get the point. I have that annoying male habit of looking at a woman's chest while I'm talking to her. I do look her in the eye, just not all the time. My eyes track up, then down for a while, then back up.....to show I'm paying attention to what she's saying..... I'm even worse with women that I'm attracted to....especially the ones I do not know very well. I just never know what to do, what to say, how to act. 1/2 the time, I think I'm being flirtatious, the other 1/2 I think I'm being an over-bearing clueless idiot. Honestly, it's been very rare that a woman will tell me that I've crossed the line.....but do they refrain from saying anything because everything is OK, or because they are just too polite to call me on my behaviour? Actually, now that I think about it....sometimes they'll avoid me, or be distant with me.....I guess that's as good a clue as any, that I've fucked something up. If a woman I'm interested in.....shows that she's interested in me....I seem to be ok....then I don't feel as worried about crossing some line.....I feel that I am flirting, not just being a panting drooling ding-bat. But to be honest, sometimes I have to be straight up TOLD if a woman is into me. Subtlety usually doesn't work. I mean.....everyone flirts and jokes around, and is affectionate to 1 extent or another. How is a person to know when flirting and all that is just playing and when it is an indication of something more serious? I never do....and more often than not, I make a complete fool of myself....chasing after someone who is just being a natural flirt & naturally affectionate....and has NO interest in me whatsoever..... I'm basically a shy, scared girl. I love flirting, I love affection, I love women.....but I'm also deeply and irrevocably terrified of being rejected and getting hurt.

Changes

I now have dark brown hair. Clairol Hydriance #46 Driftwood Medium Ash Brown to be precise. This is only a mid-way point though. I didn't want to strip my hair, and do further damage to it (see late July entries about my hair catastrophe) and the end color I want is much lighter than the dark burgundy I've been doing for the last 5.5 years. So I asked my CEO (who used to be a beautician) for suggestions.....and ash brown was it. Next month will be the end color.....Clairol Hydriance #40 Tawny Breeze Light Ash Brown (which is a light brown/gold) So any of you who see me at Baycon will see the 1st step. :)

2 things

I want anyone and everyone who reads this to post in here something they would LIKE to do with me SOMEDAY. MtnKat - What do you think of the idea of most of my costuming being vinyl/latex/leather for Baycon? :)

Answers from April 13, 2004

1. My REAL first name: Heather 2. Where did we meet? 3. Take a stab at my middle name: Colleen 4. How long have you known me? 5. When is the last time we saw each other? 6. What kind of car do I drive? Cranberry PT Cruiser w/ blue & purple flames 7. How many piercings and tattoos do I have - can you name them all? 3 piercings each ear. 5 tattoos. 1 celtic on each bicep, unicorn on right tit, name on left. griffen & tribal on left shoulder blade. 8. When you first saw me what was your impression? 9. When's my Birthday? July 27 10. Color hair? Burgundy 11. Color eyes? Blue 12. Do I have any siblings - if so, name them and their gender(s)? None 13. Have you ever had a crush on me? 14. Have you ever been jealous of me? 15. Name my favorite childhood pet and what it was? Trick question. I'm not fond of pets & can't remember the names of the ones I had as a child. 16. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you? 17. What's my favorite type of music? Heavy metal, alternative, industrial 18. What is the best feature about me? (Don't answer if you don't want to.) 19. Am I shy or outgoing? Shy 20. Would you say I am funny ha ha or funny sarcastic? Both 21. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules? Depends on the situation. Work = follow rules, outside work = rebel 22. Would you consider me a friend, an acquaintance, or a good friend? 23. Would you call me preppy, slutty, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else? Something else. I dress to fit the occasion. 24. Have you ever seen me cry? 25. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be? Bitch? 26. Do you know my childhood nickname? From a bluegrass song....Diggy Dybo 27. Who is my favorite author? This can switch from month to month, but usually the top of the list are Heinlien & Turtledove The unanswered stuff is personal...only you can answer them. :)

Turn the page

It's odd....funny....ironic?....a bit over a year from our beginning, we come to our ending. We shared many things.....our lives, our love, our laughter & joy. Our frustration, our tears, our pain and sadness. I kept thinking of chapters on the way home. We're 2 authors, writing a shared chapter....and now our chapter is over and it's time for us to write the book of our lives separately. Is this THE END? A beginning of something else? I don't know. I know I love you. I know that I will continue to love you, but I also know it's time for us to walk on different paths. No one is right or wrong. No one is to blame. No one was inadequate. We just weren't going in the same direction any more. There's nothing to be read into that....it just is. I hope we will still have a place in each others life & heart.