1) Leave a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2) I will respond and ask you 5 questions.
3) You'll update your live journal with my 5 questions and your 5 answers.
4) You'll include this explanation.
5) You'll ask other people 5 questions when they want to be interviewed (or you in turn can ask me questions)
From Shalyndra
1. Are you where you thought you'd be 10 years ago, in any sense?
Not really. In 1994, I had just gotten married & was working on my BA in psychology. At that time, I was planning on being some sort of counselor and working with troubled children & teens. In 1996, I finished my degree, but along the way, realigned my goals & decided I wanted to work more with human sexuality and less with children. Of course now....I'm doing neither. :)
2. What was childhood like for you? Where did you grow up?
I suppose, in most peoples eyes, it would seem that I had a decent childhood. In mine....from the POV of the person living it....it sucked. My mother & I moved a lot, due to her career. She was a very sought after hotel manager, and we moved every year or 2 to a different place, so that she could open a new hotel, or turn around a failing one.
I didn't have a lot of social skills (some would argue that I still don't), and I never had many friends growing up. They always picked on the new kid, in every school & at every level. If you could stand up to it, laugh it off...you were set. After a few weeks, people would accept you & start making friends with you. If you instead got angry, cried, started fights....you were screwed, and they would never let up on you. Since I had the same experiences over & over again....I was convinced there was some sort of network....kids in Indiana were somehow able to tell kids in Kansas exactly how to set me off...
I also didn't have that great of a relationship with my mom. She wanted a perfect child. Someone who got straight A's, and who was the head cheerleader & most popular all rolled into 1. Well, I got straight A's, for the most part...but that was it.
When I was 12.....I was upset about something & trying to tell her about it. She told me that she didn't want to hear it.....that she only wanted to hear about the positive things in my life. So....from then on....I pretty much told her nothing, because I didn't feel there was a lot positive to talk about.
I decided I was on my own then....and I 'grew up' without her help. She never knew me, and she never knew what was going on in my life....for the most part, she still doesn't. I gave her the illusion that she wanted. She wanted a perfect, smart, well-adjusted child....so that is what she saw.
3. Which do you identify most closely with, and why: "No regrets" or "I always try to learn from my mistakes"?
Learn. I've done a lot of stupid, mean, cruel, bad things over the years (not so much during the last 10)....that I
regret doing, but that I also know I learned a lot from. One of things I've learned, from my own past, and also from watching the lives of others....is that I needed to live more honestly & honourably. For the last 10 years, that is something I've made a very strong effort at. I've also made a lot of mistakes in judgement....I used to be a lot more open & trusting....and now I know that not all people are as decent as they seem at 1st blush. 15 years ago, I thought the best way to 'better' myself was to get an education, and have a good career. While that was a good start...that shouldn't have been it. It took me a few more years to learn that there was more to being a 'decent' person than that. I think I need to go on learning day in & day out. If I keep doing the sames things over & over again....I'll never change & I'll never grow.
4. Do you have brothers or sisters? If so, how do you think your relationship with them (or, if not, life as an only child) has shaped you as a person?
As far as I know, I'm an only child. When was mom was 23, she had a full hysterectomy and then her & my father adopted me shortly after. They split up when she was 26, and then she remarried maybe 2-3 years later, and that marriage lasted about 7 years.
I think having someone to grow up with....maybe would have helped me learn how to get along with others better. I might have learned more about social interaction, I might have learned how to better deal with the slings & arrows of my peers. I might have also had someone in my life that I could love & rely on, and know that they felt the same about me.
5. How were you first able to negotiate the role of kink in your life with your husband?
We met in the Winter of 1991, but didn't start dating until Summer of 1993. Between those times, he got to learn a lot about me. I got into BDSM in 1992, from a roommate who wanted me to dominate her (I never did by the way....the chemistry just wasn't there). When I moved in with Rik, we joined a local 'adult' BBS, and I met a pro-domme on there, who became my mentor. I went to some classes with her, a few parties, and even did a paid session with her 1 time. As it was all happening, I told Rik everything. He read some of the books I had, and for about a year, went to Bondage A Go-Go with me. He
tried to scene with me a few times, both as a bottom & a top....and after it was all said & done, he decided that the whole thing just didn't interest him. From that point....the negotiations were simple....
don't try to engage him in it any more, and when I got involved (played) with others, there was to be
nothing sexual with people who still have a penis attached to them.
He's told me, more than once, if he had met me later, after I was more involved with BDSM, he probably would have never dated me....but that since he was with me pretty much from the beginning, it was easier for him to accept.
