The Rules of Attraction

Around 1 PM, I started an essay that took me about 2 hours to write....and then 1 wrong keystroke lost the whole damn thing. So...after thinking about it for the rest of the day, and wondering if the disappearance was a sign of some sort...I finally decided to see if I could remember it all and re-create it....in MSWord this time. :) What I’m about to pour out is something that I’ve probably only fully explained to 2 people. Others might suspect, maybe not. I’ve never really chosen to discuss this at large, because I know it is something that can hurt feelings, and cause acrimony….and at the very least make me look shallow & somewhat of an hypocrite. Everyone has certain physical and personality traits that they do and do not find attractive, on emotional and sexual levels. People who say ‘looks don’t matter, it’s the person inside that counts’, well I think that is a great thing, but I think when you really get down to it, looks do matter, to some extent or another. Often for me though, the personality does make a lot of difference. I can admire someone who is physically well put together, but if they are dumb, mean, bitchy, or a liar…..they do not seem as attractive in my eyes. Conversely, someone who is does not fall into what society considers attractive….if they engage my mind and my heart….they will seem more physically attractive in my eyes. There’s been someone people I’ve been involved with in the past, and people say, ‘what did you see in them, they aren’t even pretty’….but I knew them, and to me, they were. Another factor can sometimes be whether or not the person is interested in me. There’s been more than once when I didn’t really even give someone consideration, but when I found out that they liked me….I would take another look at them, and find myself becoming interested. Do I have a ‘type’? I’m not sure. I’ve loved blondes, brunettes, and red-heads. Tall people, short people, slender people, overweight people. One constant is that I generally am not attracted to people who I would consider physically extreme….like people who are built like professionally weightlifters, people who are significantly underweight, and people who are significantly overweight. Some famous examples of the body types I generally am not attracted to would be Calista Flockheart, Nell Carter, and Nicole Bass. Examples of types I have been attracted to would be Sara Rue, Chyna, and Angelina Jolie. Another issue of attraction for me is personality traits. As my ad on Bondage.com states, I prefer to be with stable, intelligent, well-rounded women. I like women who are capable of laughing, loving and living. Women who are not afraid to cry, or yell when the occasion calls for either emotion. I like women who aren’t afraid to try something new. Women who genuinely give a damn about the people in their life and the world around them. Women who are around for all the times in their friends’ lives, not the just good events. Women who are able to admit when they’ve done something wrong are willing to make amends for it, and do what they can to learn from the mistakes. The other side of the coin? Women who lie, cheat and steal. Women with low (or no) self-esteem/confidence. Women who are drama instigators and/or drama magnets. Women who have enough psychological baggage to send a family of therapists to Hawaii. Women who can’t or won’t take care of themselves, physically, mentally, emotional, and financially. Women who can’t or won’t take responsibility for themselves and/or their actions. Women who need to tear others down, in order to build themselves up. Women who look at others and only think ‘what can I get from them, how can I use them?’ Some might look at me and say “you’re a damned hypocrite. You are fat, you don’t always have great self-esteem….you are far from perfect.’ Well, duh! Who is perfect when you really get down to it? I do not ask for perfection, nor do I promise to give it. I do the best I can, and I hope that the people I choose to be involved with conduct themselves in the same way….the best that they can. But when push comes to shove, there are always going to be people out there that I may genuinely care for and admire….but for one reason or another, sometimes for a reason I can not even grasp or understand….I just don’t find them to be a person I want to be romantically or sexually involved with. Does that make me a shallow hypocrite?