Revisiting April

Why can't I have this? Lack of money? Lack of support from the people in my life who truly matter? or Is it a lack of guts on my part? Am I just one of those people who only dreams & never does? Besides money.... What is keeping you from living the life that you truely want to lead? The reason I said 'besides money', is that pretty much the stock answer is money....many people seem to think that financial security, or excess of that would make their own personal world perfect. I am pretty much financially secure....and yet as the months & years go by....I keep looking at my life and wishing it was something else. 1. Ideally, I'd like to go to San Francisco State University and work my way through their Human Sexuality degree programs (BA then MA) http://hmsx.sfsu.edu/ Once I finish with all that, I'd like to either have some sort of career as a sex educator (maybe even therapist....I used to want that years ago, and I keep going back & forth on the idea) or I want to open my bookstore. "The Forbidden Word" 1/2 the store would be any & all types of erotic fiction (romances, horror, sci-fi/fantasy, mysteries, 1-hand reading), the other 1/2 would be all non-fiction.....how-to, why, self-help, whatever.....and of course I would have a 'back room' with toys & videos. I'd really like to have at least 25% of my stock to come from local vendors, authors, toy-makers & the like. I'd also like to have classes/seminars on a regular basis, again, given by local educators. 2. Barring all that.....I am good at what I do, and I do like it. What I don't like is my commute & the type of place that I work for. I want to work for a place where queers, freaks & the like are welcome and judged by their level of competence.....not by what they look like or how they lead their lives outside of work. I want to work for a place where diversity is more than a buzz word (usually meaning women & racial minorities). I want to work for a place that actually values its' employees as people, and doesn't just look at them and say "How can I get more work for less $$$ out of these people?" What keeps me from accomplishing #1 - the stock answer....money. If I go back to school, I want to go full-time, and not work. I got my 1st degree in 5 years, working 24-40 hours a week the whole time, on top of taking at least 9 course units every quarter. I don't want to do that again. I want to maintain my social life and outside activities too....and sleep....I like sleeping at least 6 hours a night. :) What keeps me from accomplishing #2 - Mostly...lack of knowledge.....are there companies that fit my 'ideal'? Or am I just being overly Pollyanna-ish?