Ok then

www.astrology.com Your heart is precious, so why do you let everyone you're attracted to mishandle it. Treat love like the valuable treasure it is, and not like your worn out gym shoes and you might have a chance at a real romance without the heartache.

So, the latest meme going around is this - Fuck or Pass game. The rules are simple. If you want to fuck the person who posts this, send them a reply saying "I'd fuck you." But then, you have to post this in your journal, in exchange. I have refrained from posting it because sometimes things like this make me feel awkward. If no one responds...I get depressed. If someone responds who I 'don't feel that way about' then I feel weird because I don't know what to say to that person. Additionally, I have held back from replying to it on other people's journals for similar reasons. I know most of the people I'm interested in, don't return my interest & I don't want to make things awkward between us. And this all leads to something that's been swirling around in my head for a bit. Crushes I seem to have a habit of crushing on women who are either not into me personally, or me as a type. I also seem to crush on women who are fairly different from the women that I actually end up dating. I crush on dominant women and on butch/boi-ish/androgynous women. Neither of which I have much dating experience with. Dominant women...more than a few have told me that they won't submit to me. Told me without my even asking really. I don't always see things in a dom/sub (top/bottom) paradigm. I don't think every relationship I have has to involve a power exchange. However, I guess some other people don't see things the same way...they can't imagine a relationship without that element. Funny thing...some of the women I've crushed on, I would have bottomed (but probably not submitted) to. Butch ect. - This is always an odd thing for me. The more I think about it, the more I think that I purposely go for more obviously femme women because of my early experiences with 2 women...1 who was butch/boi-ish and 1 who was androgynous. The first woman I ever had sex with (Jay), spent 3 months pursuing me. We shared 1 night together & then she never spoke to me again. It was several weeks later when her roommate (girlfriend?) told me that I was nothing but a notch in Jay's bedpost & that she wanted nothing to do with me now that she'd had me. The first woman I ever had a serious relationship with (Kelly) was stone. I had no experience with that (technically have little since Kelly was the only one)...so it was weird for me to get used to having someone who wanted to be sexual, but didn't want me touching them. In the 6 months we were together, I never even saw her naked. Anyways...yeah, 6 months and then all of the sudden she dumped me. I didn't find out for another few months that she dumped me because I dyed my hair. Apparently I looked too much like her sister & Kelly had some real serious incest issues. Several years later (shortly before I got married), Kelly came back into my life. She made a big play for me & then had the nerve to tell me that if she & I were going to have sex again (huh, I don't recall saying I was interested), that I would always have to use condoms with Rik because Kelly didn't want to taste him on me. Um...yeah, um...unless I'm in some sort of group sex situation (which I haven't been in for nearly 20 years), I make a point of showering between partners. So...because of the experiences I had with Jay & Kelly, I've always been afraid of getting into a relationship with another butch/boi-ish/androgynous woman. So yeah...there's a little more insight into my mind. I have a habit of crushing on women who either don't want me, or who I'm a little scared of anyways.

Pretty Pictures

Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...

NBPC - The Daydreamer

You perceive the world with particular attention to nature. You focus on the hidden treasures of life (the background) and how that fits into the larger picture. You are also particularly drawn towards the colors around you. Because of the value you place on nature, you tend to find comfort in more subdued settings and find energy in solitude. You like to ponder ideas and imagine the many possibilities of your life without worrying about the details or specifics. You are in tune with all that is around you and understand your life as part of a larger whole. You are a down-to-earth person who enjoys going with the flow.

The Perception Personality Types:

Take The Perception Personality Image Test at HelloQuizzy

Faire Thee Well

On the 16th, Vicki, myself & a friend or 2 are going here. http://www.ggfaire.com/ On 9/13, Rik, myself & some of his Halloween group are going here. http://www.norcalrenfaire.com/themeweekends.asp Anyone want to meet me at either??

Hey - Cuddlycthulhu

Have you seen this yet? http://www.hello-cthulhu.com/?date=2003-11-30

100 Things About Me

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? Lower lip. Smashed my face into the corner of a counter when getting a plate down from the cupboard. 2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? A painting of a witch, and a colored drawing of a raccoon barely holding onto a branch. 3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE? Gold Razor 4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO? Alternative, heavy metal, bagpipes, drums 5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? I think around 3PM. 6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? 2 Things, my debt to disappear & a new job that I'll be happy with. 7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? Nothing in particular right now 8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? I'd say Rik, but he might not like being thought of as a possession. :) 9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? Hard to pick - lavender, vanilla, musk 10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? Sometimes, in large crowds 11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Sometimes when I'm alone & hearing things. 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? Opium, Obsession, vanilla-musk 14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE/ SAME SEX? Well kept 15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING AT? Already married. 16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS? caramel frappachino 17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? pepperoni, extra cheese & pesto 18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? lobster, crab 19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD? A co-worker who made changes in their staffs time sheets & didn't bother to tell me & I couldn't get my reports to balance. 20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE? Spanish at about a toddler level 21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX) EVER GAVE YOU? I can't remember 28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I suppose that depends on the length of time they'd be around. A few months or more, yes. Less, probably not. 29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? to SHOW them daily... and never assume the KNOW it... (I agree with EMT, so I'll leave her words) 30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED. 13 31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Both & redheads too. 32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? Home or Rik's cell 33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? lying 34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY? Mexico, Caribbean 35. YOUR WEAKNESSES? I love too much, I spend too much, I trust too much 36. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Roscommon, MI 37. FIRST JOB? Jewish Community Center in Belmont as a Summer Camp Counselor 38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Yes 39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY? Talking to the neighbor 40.IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE? Just how much could be lipo'd from my ass, tummy & thighs? 41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY? Why not? Doesn't everyone want to know about me? 42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? Physically - boobs & ass. Otherwise...intelligence, capability 43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL WAS OUTLAWED? I'd miss it, but it's no big deal to me. 44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? Whatever you see that says "Valia should own this." 45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? None 46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I don't think so. 47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Sometimes 48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE? Index 49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? I don't recall right now 50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not really, it's sloppy. It takes too much time/effort to write neatly. 51. Whats your favorite lunch meat? turkey 52. ANY BAD HABITS? Swearing, sometimes a short fuse, over-spending, over-eating 53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF ALBUM IN YOUR ITUNES? I just looked at all my cassettes & I have an MC Hammer tape that I don't remember ever owning.... 54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably 55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? There's probably a time or 2, especially if it's something about someone who might do harm to themself or someone else. 56. DO LOOKS MATTER? Yes, but I have a very wide range of what I consider to be attractive 57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? loud music, yelling 58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? I don't know that I have one 59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? Too easily sometimes 60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? lincoln logs, barbies 61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? 20ish 63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Yeah, annoying isn't it? 64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? Not in the middle, just the edges. 65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? Intelligence, stability, confidence, caring, passionate, honest, trustworthy 66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Heather sometimes gets shortened to Heat. Valia has been V. 1 used to call me succubus & cupcake. Plenty probably call me bitch when I'm out of hearing range. 68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?' Yes 70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? B&J One World. Cheesecake ice cream w/ chocolate covered cheesecake bites in it. 72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS? Purple, dark green, dark blue, burgundy 73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? None 75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? If they want to... 76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? American Gladiator 77. LAST THING YOU ATE? Chipotle roast & mashed taters 78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Patricia @ work 79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? general looks (physical, how they carry themself, what they're wearing) 82. FAVORITE DRINK? Root beer or cream soda 84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT? To participate in...none. To watch, ice skating, MMA, pro-wrestling 85. HAIR COLOR? red-blonde. Trying to go bad to my natural color 86. EYE COLOR? Blue 87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES? No, I had Lasik a few years ago 88. SIBLINGS? I'm adopted, so none that I know of 89. FAVORITE MONTH? July & October 90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? Some 91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? Past tense - WWE Raw. Currently, American Gladiator 93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? YES!! 94. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer 95. KISSES OR HUGS? Embrace the power of AND 96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? They both have their attractions, but over-all, I prefer relationships. 97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? No one. :) 98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? No one. :) 99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? I just finished Bloodline by F. Paul Wilson. Starting on Toxic People by Lillian Glass later tonight. 100. WHERE DO YOU WORK? At a credit union in Concord