So, the latest meme going around is this - Fuck or Pass game. The rules are simple. If you want to fuck the person who posts this, send them a reply saying "I'd fuck you." But then, you have to post this in your journal, in exchange. I have refrained from posting it because sometimes things like this make me feel awkward. If no one responds...I get depressed. If someone responds who I 'don't feel that way about' then I feel weird because I don't know what to say to that person. Additionally, I have held back from replying to it on other people's journals for similar reasons. I know most of the people I'm interested in, don't return my interest & I don't want to make things awkward between us. And this all leads to something that's been swirling around in my head for a bit. Crushes I seem to have a habit of crushing on women who are either not into me personally, or me as a type. I also seem to crush on women who are fairly different from the women that I actually end up dating. I crush on dominant women and on butch/boi-ish/androgynous women. Neither of which I have much dating experience with. Dominant women...more than a few have told me that they won't submit to me. Told me without my even asking really. I don't always see things in a dom/sub (top/bottom) paradigm. I don't think every relationship I have has to involve a power exchange. However, I guess some other people don't see things the same way...they can't imagine a relationship without that element. Funny thing...some of the women I've crushed on, I would have bottomed (but probably not submitted) to. Butch ect. - This is always an odd thing for me. The more I think about it, the more I think that I purposely go for more obviously femme women because of my early experiences with 2 women...1 who was butch/boi-ish and 1 who was androgynous. The first woman I ever had sex with (Jay), spent 3 months pursuing me. We shared 1 night together & then she never spoke to me again. It was several weeks later when her roommate (girlfriend?) told me that I was nothing but a notch in Jay's bedpost & that she wanted nothing to do with me now that she'd had me. The first woman I ever had a serious relationship with (Kelly) was stone. I had no experience with that (technically have little since Kelly was the only one)...so it was weird for me to get used to having someone who wanted to be sexual, but didn't want me touching them. In the 6 months we were together, I never even saw her naked. Anyways...yeah, 6 months and then all of the sudden she dumped me. I didn't find out for another few months that she dumped me because I dyed my hair. Apparently I looked too much like her sister & Kelly had some real serious incest issues. Several years later (shortly before I got married), Kelly came back into my life. She made a big play for me & then had the nerve to tell me that if she & I were going to have sex again (huh, I don't recall saying I was interested), that I would always have to use condoms with Rik because Kelly didn't want to taste him on me. Um...yeah, um...unless I'm in some sort of group sex situation (which I haven't been in for nearly 20 years), I make a point of showering between partners. So...because of the experiences I had with Jay & Kelly, I've always been afraid of getting into a relationship with another butch/boi-ish/androgynous woman. So yeah...there's a little more insight into my mind. I have a habit of crushing on women who either don't want me, or who I'm a little scared of anyways.