Core Dump

Things have been swirling around in my head for days now. I was advised just to let it be, to not air my dirty laundry...so I'm compromising. Only select people are able to read this. I just need to get it all out, before it festers & creates more trouble than there already has been. She tells me that I must choose between her friendship or my relationship with my lover of 8 months. What friendship? You mean this thing we've had for the last 2 years? This thing where if you don't get your way, you'll try to bulldoze & intimidate me? This thing where you bitch, whine & moan about how horrible your work life is, your home life, your love life.....but heaven forbid if I should want a shoulder to lean on too. Then you rant at me and tell me that you're sick of listening to all my bitching. MY bitching? MY Bitching? Fuck that. I've been listening to you for months now. All I hear is how everything that is wrong...it's not your fault. Never your fault. You're innocent, pristine. How could the world not love you? I heard a saying a long time ago. I don't remember the correct words, but the general gist of it was that if you are the common denominator in all your failures....then maybe it is you that is the problem, not the rest of the world. Own your own shit. Take responsibility for your actions, your mistakes. Apologize once in a while, you expect it from everyone else....but I've never heard you utter the words "I'm sorry." No...what you do is condemn everyone. You spew venom about anyone you think has done you wrong. You claim to work Black Magic on them, hoping that their world will turn into something as miserable as yours. You do your best to ruin their reputation....when it's your own reputation that's actually suffering. You are not the darling of the community. You are not as well liked and respected by other people as you think you are. You're not E.F. Hutton. When you talk, people just let it go in 1 ear and out the other. For the last 8 months, you've been whispering in my ear, telling me all the bad things about my girl. She's needy, she's clingy, she whines, she's demanding, she lies, she'll be perfect for me, and then suddenly change. She'll try to get between me & my husband, and between me & my slave. Hell, I admit that my lover & I haven't had the easiest relationship, but you know...we're working on it. We love each other and we're doing what we can to make things better between us, for us. Couldn't you have just once been happy for me? Or is it that you are just so damned miserable with your own existence, that you can't handle other people being happy & so you have to try to ruin their happiness? My lover was never rude to you. She was polite, period. What the fuck did you expect? Because she was your submissive over a year ago...do you think that entitles you to her submission forever? Was she supposed to fall to her knees and kiss your boots when you walked into the room? Being submissive does not mean that she is submissive to everyone, or anyone for that matter. She submits to who she wants. It's her choice, it's always been her choice. I knew you had issues with her. I did what I could to smooth those over. I insisted that she talk to you and try to work things out. She seemed to think things were on an even keel with you....and up until recently, you acted like they were too. Then, because she doesn't fawn all over you and kiss your ass...she's someone you now have to threaten me about? It's her or me you say. I told you before, if I leave her, it will be because I don't like her, not because you don't. Ya know, this shouldn't even be between you & I, it should be between you & her. She is the one you claim to have a problem with. Yet somehow, I am the one who's getting dragged in. You say that her attitude reflects on me, and that it shows people what a lousy Master I am? Yes, I'm so lousy that my primary slave has had to suffer with me through 7 hellish years, chained to my side & unable to get out of this horrible mess she is in. She tells me that I must choose between her friendship or my relationship with my lover of 8 months. People who are truly close to me know that I do not like ultimatums. Only 1 person in my life has the right to tell me who I can or can not be close to, and that is my husband. You tell me to choose. Well honey, I believe you've already made my choice for me. I sincerely wish you a successful & happy life, but it is high time that my feet take me down a different road & away from you.