Thursday, December 30, 2004
Monday, December 27, 2004
Say something why dontcha?
copied from venusrising
Let's start with a clean slate for 2005.
Do you have any unspoken grievances against me?
Even trivial ones?
Anything you wanted to confess?
Anything at all you wanted to tell me but haven't for whatever reason?
If so, comment here and let it be known.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Living Dead Dolls
I've been collecting Living Dead Dolls-Fashion Victims. Hubby got me ALL of Series 2, plus Lilith from Series 1 (just missing Kitty now) for Xmas (on EBAY as a set). However, prior to this I had bought 1 of the dolls from Series 2....so
I now have 2 of this doll. http://www.towerrecords.com/product.aspx?pfid=3119463
Her 2nd outfit is a gold lame halter, tutu, sheer stockings and rollerskates. She is still in the box, never opened.
Is anyone interested in trading me something for her?
Sunday, December 19, 2004
the A to Z of Friendship
I found this on mwwlw.com
A friend -
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
Married Women Who Love Women
I found this site, http://www.mwwlw.net/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi via a conversation on tribe.net.
From what I can tell, it seems to be more of a support group than a 'hook-up' thing, but I only spent 1/2 hour reading, so I might not have gotten the full flavor of the site.
Anyways.....I posted a rather lengthy intro there...and decided it would make a good LJ post too.
This site was the topic of conversation on a group I'm in on tribe.net, so I figured I'd give it a look-see & see if I might fit in somewhere.
I've been married for about 10.5 years....happily for the most part. We have our ups & downs, as all relationships do.
I've been actively involved with women since I was 18, but having intense emotional feelings for them since I was 7 (I'm 34.5 now).
I grew up not being exposed to a lot of things involving human sexuality....so it wasn't until I was a teenager that I fully even understood what gay, lesbian & bisexual meant....let alone that I was in the group somewhere.
I met my husband when I was 21, while in college. From the get-go, he thought I was gay....as when we first met, I was chasing around a girl I had a severe crush on. It wasn't until a few month later, when I was breaking up with my boyfriend, that my husband figured out I was at least somewhat interested in guys.....but it was about 2 years after that before he could catch me single....
During that 2 years, we were in several classes together & spent time getting to know each other....and he got to find out all my 'oddities.' Besides being bi, I was/am also polyamourous, pagan & into BDSM.
He proposed to me about a month after we started dating. We talked a very long time about my life & the things that would or would not be different if we got married. I let him know in very clear terms that I was not willing to give up my love for women, or my being into alternative worship & sexual practices....but that I would be willing to compromise with certain things.
My compromises are fairly simple & not at all difficult for me. #1 is that no other person gets more than 1/2 of my free time....my husband is #1 in my life as far as relationships go. #2 is that I do not get emotionally or sexually involved with males.
#1 just makes sense to me, and #2 is no real hardship, since by that time my interest in males had begun to wane anyways. I always tell people that I am heterosexually monogamous.
During the last 10.5 years, I've had relationships with 5 women. In addition, I have had a deep emotional connection (but physically platonic) with a woman who has been submissive to me for the last 8.5 years.
Due to some bad experiences I've had with a few males over the last 15 years....my general interest in the species as a whole has been nearly nil. I have a few male friends that I talk to & flirt with....but by & large I just don't trust guys & generally try to put up a good enough front that most just don't even approach me.
About 5 years ago, things got real bad for me, due to some harassment I was a target of...and for about 6 months I was debating whether or not I should even be married.....but I decided to try therapy first instead of heading to a divorce attorney. I just had a generalized hatred of males....and I was taking it out on my husband....who had never done anything to deserve my bad treatment of him. He has always been my rock....my solace & my coming home. I can't imagine my life without him.
I sometimes think that our marriage is wrong for him....that he'd be better off with a woman who was at least somewhat more normal than I am....but he's always maintained that this is where he wants to be.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt though....that if for some reason we do decide to part ways....he will be the last male I will ever be emotional or physically involved with.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Embarrassed? Annoyed? I'm not sure....
Something that's been running around my head since Saturday night.
Everyone knows I seem to have a certain fascination with the female breasts. (no really?) Somehow though, it seems to be what I am now known for more than anything else. My last 10 years in the Community seem to add up to nothing. I like to think there's a bit more substance to me than that....but I guess I just don't manage to come across that deep after all.
Anyways....at a party, 2 partially clothed ladies were standing next to me. 1 I consider a friend, 1 I don't even know. A comment was (loudly) made to the unknown woman, something to the effect of 'Valia likes boobs a lot!' The girl kind of looked worried, but also kind of expectant. I on the other hand was somewhat embarrassed.
About 5 minutes later, another woman I know, let me know that anytime I wanted to fondle her boobs....I was more than welcome to.
I guess I've just never really explained this to many people....
While most breasts are indeed great things to look at.....I am not fascinated by, nor do I want to fondle all the breasts that come into my range. Surprisingly enough....I am rather picky about who I pay attention to.
I'll look admiringly, at almost anyone that I do not already know. But it's the knowing that makes the difference. Actually, to be more accurate....it's the caring.
Someone I know could have a lovely pair of breasts.....but if I do not even like that person....I barely take notice of them....let alone want to fondle or otherwise get close to them. The lady mentioned above, with her offer for fondling at anytime....you couldn't pay me enough to want to fondle & flirt with her.....while I can be nice to her, to be honest, I don't really like her, she started off on a bad foot with me several years ago....and it hasn't gotten much better since.
People also accuse me of being a size queen....since some of the women who I am lucky enough to fondle....have been graced with an abundance of cleavage. However, what people do not seem to notice, is that more of the women I like and am lucky enough to fondle are a nice,lovely handful.....
Honestly, size to me, is irrelevant....it's all about the person that the breasts happen to be attached to. My caring for, respecting & admiring someone play more of a role in my interest in them than the size of their breasts do.
Another thing....it's not necessarily about sex either. Sure, I like to fondle, lick, kiss breasts as much as the next person....but a lot of times, it's a comfort thing for me. It's nice to just rest my head on someone's chest and listen to their heart. It's nice to just have my hand laying on a breast, having that slightly more intimate contact with someone. It's just nice to be with a woman that I like.
Friday, December 10, 2004
Photo Day
1st Version
Take the Quiz and build your portrait! It's kind of like the enneagram.....there's a few questions that 2 answers were correct, depending on the situation. Both pictures have their truths.... Slight Changes
Take the Quiz and build your portrait!
Take the Quiz and build your portrait! It's kind of like the enneagram.....there's a few questions that 2 answers were correct, depending on the situation. Both pictures have their truths.... Slight Changes
Take the Quiz and build your portrait!
Thursday, December 9, 2004
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
Stolen from Mzmtnlion
1. Go out with me?
2. Give me your number?
3. Have sex with me?
4. Let me kiss you?
5. Watch a movie with me...even a really sappy one?
6. Let me take you out to dinner?
7. Drive me somewhere/anywhere?
8. Take a shower with me?
9. Be my GF/BF?
10. Have a fling with me?
11. Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends?
12. Buy me a drink if I didn't have money?
13. Take me home for the night?
14. Would you let me sleep in your bed?
15. Sing car karaoke with me?
16. Sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
17. Re-post this for me to answer your questions?
18. Let me give you a piggyback ride?
19. Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
Incapacitated to a degree
#1 - The Car.....I'm looking at about $8,500.00 worth of damage. My mechanic said that if my airbags had deployed, the bill would have been near $12,000.00, and they might have declared the car a total loss.
My mechanic owns the shop, and at the moment, it's just him working. He is going to try to get help from a friend's shop....he's trying to get everything fixed ASAP, but it could be over 2 weeks.
#2 - Me....my right hand/wrist is not broken, but it hurts like hell. I've got a removable cast on and a prescription of Darvocet. I also went & bought a lighter wrist cast, similar to what you'd wear for carpal tunnel or tendonitis problems.
I'm fairly capable of working on the computer...as shown here. :)
Everything else though....is difficult. I can't really grasp things or lift things with my right hand. Getting dressed/undressed is a challange. Driving.....painful.
I don't like being helpless, incapacitated. I don't like having to rely on others for things. I don't like asking for assistance. Especially when I end up feeling like I'm being a burden, or a hassle. Work....it was like listening to 2 people talk at once. On 1 hand, I get told to do whatever I needed to do, to go see a doctor, whatever......and on the other hand I'm told that I need to try to schedule things for after work.
Rik is also very sick right now....sick enough that he can't go into work...which means that I'm driving myself.....
We're having our annual Joint Staff Meeting tomorrow morning. I'm supposed to be at the conference room at 6:00 AM to help get things organized. My boss drove me to BART this afternoon, so I could get home....and first she tells me that I can come in at 6:30 tomorrow.....then she grudgingly said that if I couldn't come in, to call her cell and leave a message.
I told her that the only reason I wouldn't be in....would be if Rik is still too sick to work....and I'm too sore to drive.
Part of me wants to be coddled & catered to......served if you will....
but part of me also is leery of what strings & conditions will be attached to said service.
Monday, December 6, 2004
For Phoebe
If I told you that I loved you, would you understand that I meant it as a friend....or would I be misunderstood?
I admire you for your drive, your intelligence, your efforts to succeed in your chosen field.
I admire you for having ethics & morals, and doing your best to live your life according to them.
I admire you for genuinely caring about the people in your life.....not just caring when it's convenient.
We haven't spent a huge amount of time with each other during the last few years, but I think what there has been, has been quality. You always make me think and look at things in a different light.
You've been wonderful about letting my cry or complain to you, and you'll never know how much I appreciate it.
I could probably say more....but I think I've said enough for now.
Can I say that I love you, and have you understand?
Wham
I've been involved in another accident. I'm not really sure what happened....there were 3 cars involved, but from what the other 2 say, it was started by another car.....apparently he slowed down real fast & made a left turn without signalling or anything.
Car #1 - swerved to the right and went past the turning guy.
Car #2 - swerved to the right, couldn't slow down fast enough & bumped Car #1.
Car #3(that's me) - swerved to the right, couldn't slow down fast enough & hit Car #2.
I stopped immediately after hitting Car #2. Cars #1 & #2 kept driving and pulled off the road about 50-100 ft in front of me. I had pulled off onto a gravel shoulder on the right.
I 1st called Rik and gave him the bare details & told him to come get me. I then called 911, and they took a basic report & sent out the CHP.
The driver of Car #2 came back to me & we swapped information. She said her car wasn't damaged that badly. She had already swapped info with the driver of Car #1. A moment later, the driver of Car #1 came up and he & I swapped information. By that time, the CHP got to the scene.
No one claimed to be injured, and no one wanted to file an offical report, so the CHP said we should all just deal with our respective insurances and file a 'counter report' if needed.
The CHP told me I could leave, so I did.
Damage.....my front end is a mess. The hood is crumpled, the left headlight is busted, I can't open my passengar door....I'm sure there's more, but it's too dark for me to see what.
The car seems to be drivable (I drove about 7 miles from the accident to home), so I'm driving to work in Concord tomorrow & my mechanic who is in Fairfield is going to pick up my car in Concord.
That's about the long & the short of it for right now.
Since we're down to 1 vehicle.....I may not be making the next munch or 2. I will be at V's next party though. Hubby has been kind enough to let me have the car Saturday night.
More details as they come, if you want them.
Saturday, December 4, 2004
Do they really know me?
More quizzes
Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotionally temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"
Domination
You are most comfortable when in control. Having someone at your beck and call makes you hot. You can be very demanding, and expect perfection! In the bedroom, you take charge. Your motto is It's My way or the highway! Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"
Atheist
You are Godless! You could care less about religion. As far as you're concerned, if you can't see, touch and kick something, it's not real to you. You're day-to-day activities consist of eating, working, sleeping and the occasional Internet or coffee shop debate. Lastly, if anyone chooses to preach at you otherwise, you will either leave or debate them until they finally shut up. Take the quiz: "Find your IQ (pictures)"
Above Average IQ 111 to 124
Your IQ 111 to 124. This significantly higher than the US Average of 98. You have a tendency to either have very good grades or be a slacker due to a mental condition. Smart people usually have emotional problems. You also may be interested in art, anime, and anything dealing with creation. You may have ADHD if you do not do well in school. It's not your fault, you're in a good position and have more power over people than you think.
July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotionally temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"
Domination
You are most comfortable when in control. Having someone at your beck and call makes you hot. You can be very demanding, and expect perfection! In the bedroom, you take charge. Your motto is It's My way or the highway! Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"
Atheist
You are Godless! You could care less about religion. As far as you're concerned, if you can't see, touch and kick something, it's not real to you. You're day-to-day activities consist of eating, working, sleeping and the occasional Internet or coffee shop debate. Lastly, if anyone chooses to preach at you otherwise, you will either leave or debate them until they finally shut up. Take the quiz: "Find your IQ (pictures)"
Above Average IQ 111 to 124
Your IQ 111 to 124. This significantly higher than the US Average of 98. You have a tendency to either have very good grades or be a slacker due to a mental condition. Smart people usually have emotional problems. You also may be interested in art, anime, and anything dealing with creation. You may have ADHD if you do not do well in school. It's not your fault, you're in a good position and have more power over people than you think.
Surprise
 | You scored as alternative. You're partially respected for being an individual in a conformist world yet others take you as a radical. You have no place in society because you choose not to belong there - you're the luckiest of them all, even if your parents are completely ashamed of you. Just don't take drugs ok?
What Social Status are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, December 2, 2004
It Resonates
Hoobastank - The Reason
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
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