According to them - How I tick

Your result for The Attachment Style Test...

The Cuddleslut

You're mostly secure, but sometimes you need a little extra reassurance to make it through the tough times. You are usually affectionate and sweet, and you find it easy to fall in love. An encouraging word from a crush or a loved one can motivate you for weeks.

Fictional character with whom you might identify: Kaylee (Firefly/Serenity), Hiro Nakamura (Heroes)

Other Attachment Types:
Secure:	The Unicorn	|	The Cuddleslut	|	The Free Agent
Preoccupied:	The Cling Wrap	|	The Squid	|	The Insect
Fearful:	The Doormat	|	The Leper	|	The Exile
Dismissing:	The Hermit	|	The Stone	|	The Player
Confused:	The Waffler

Take The Attachment Style Test at HelloQuizzy

In 20 Days

I'll be 38. That gives those closest to me 2 years to plan my 40th Bash. :) In the meantime...what should I do for 38?

How Fucking Appropriate

www.tarot.com Leo Weekly Love Horoscope For the Week of Jul 7th, 2008 -- You are getting ready to rock, Leo, as magnetic Venus enters your sign on Saturday, priming the pump for romance. You may be tempted to dig up some old issues, but avoid wasting your time going over the past when the present is so full of promise. Don't make things complicated now; just have fun.

Because You Asked

More than a few people wanted the details of what happened with me & the ex. Behind the cut are all the texts & emails. It began on Live Journal 6/25/08 Vivi 11:52pm I've been thinking about it recently, actually... I want to engage in unbridled carnality with you, for hours, until we're both exhausted and dehydrated. I want to make you scream. I want to bear the bruises from your fists, the marks from your nails and teeth. I want to be taken over and spun every which way until I can hardly think through the adrenalin and serotonin. I want to scandalize my neighbors. I want to give you pleasure you will think about for days and days, and that I will be inspired to write about. For old times' sake. Or something like that. 6/26/08 Me 6:26am Or something. Unfortunately, I'm still tender enough to know that it's best to leave the past in the past for the time being. Not that the thought doesn't cross my mind now & then. And Switching to Texting Me 7:10am You sure know how to distract a girl. Vivi 7:26am Given ½ the chance, I often do! Ah, fantasy... Me 7:30am As I said earlier, it's best to leave it at just that. Vivi 7:39am I’ll defer to your better judgment, since it seems I haven’t any. Enjoy your day. Me 8:05am For what it's worth, I still love you & think about you. Vivi 8:11am Oh sweetie. That matters. We had good times together, you know. I suppose it’s easier for me to remember those than to face reality. I miss you. Me 8:15am Sometimes reality sucks. But I know how this would end. 1 or both of us would end up hurt and/or regretting everything. Vivi 8:22am Forget about reality for a little while. With me. Moving to Email Me 9:32am Rik taught me how to access this from online. Speaking of reality bites....I just got off the phone w/ my mom. She has skin cancer, near her nose. Don't know how bad....and so far they can't schedule her for surgery until 9/4 (if they're waiting that long, is that a good sign?). Vivi 9:37am Aw, jeez. Sorry to hear that! And just when your dad got good news, too. Cancer seems to be everywhere nowadays. And I don't mean to cause you any discomfort, if I did earlier. I'm feeling all nostalgic, and took the LJ opportunity when you presented it. I think you're probably right about the eventual outcome. You seem to be better at that long view than I am. But it's nice to fantasize... ::sigh:: Me 10:02am Tell me about it. 2 women at work were diagnosed w/ Breast Cancer a few months ago. No discomfort. I love you. I miss you. I wish things could be different, but right now, I know I'm not ready for that. Sunday we ran into each other at Pride, twice. She looked like she was trying to paste a smile on her face. And back to texting Me 4:12pm Do you know why I won’t say yes? Not why I left in the 1st place. Something besides. Vivi 5:04pm Tell me. I’m interested. Me 5:20pm 5 words you said to me at the end. “Heather, I have no morals.” Vivi 5:25pm I never made a secret of that. I have values and principles, not morals. Me 5:29pm Yeah but it still hurt like a slap. Plus, those words are synonymous with me, not separate concepts. Vivi 5:32pm I’m sorry it hurt you. I had no idea you didn’t know already. They’re discrete concepts for me – morals are dictated by your community. Values are chosen by me. Me 5:36pm At the time, what it said to me was that nothing mattered to you that didn’t benefit you and to hell about the rest of us. Vivi 5:47pm But that’s not how I work. At the time, it was that my choice was more important to me than your opinion about it. I understand that it hurt, but that wasn’t why. Me 6:01pm I guess it just felt more like not only did what I thought not matter, neither did I anymore. Vivi 6:14pm I don’t remember the specifics of a conversation more than a year ago, but if you still want to discuss it, we can. I’m not trying to jump back into your life – at least not all at once. I just miss being with you, and I wouldn’t mind a date. Wouldn’t say no to a scene either, but of course all that’s up to you. Hugs! Me 6:42pm I want love, passion, friendship, and to know that I’m important and that I matter. I was never totally sure of the last 2, that often with you. And back to email on 6/30/08 Me 11:15am What would we do differently...to make a 2nd go around more successful? Vivi 12:12pm I don't think we could. I can't do anything more to let you know how much I value you and care for you, and you don't seem to think it's enough. We're too dissimilar to maintain a relationship. That's not what I was aiming for, though. I miss hanging out with you, I miss the power play, I miss the sex, and I miss having you in my life. I'd be happy trying out any combo of those, but I'm not ready for an intense relationship with you, or with anyone at the moment. Especially since you don't think I put enough into a relationship with you, I want to be clear that I don't have the resources to do so. Me 7:14pm Thank you for the honesty. I appreciate it. I love you. I wish I could settle for just being 'fuck buddies'....strangely enough, if it was any other woman, I would probably be totally cool with it. You though....you are my kryptonite. You have power over me, power to make me ecstatic & power to devastate me. It took me quite a while to pick up the pieces after we parted ways. As you can tell, I'm still pretty tender when poked. You all saw yesterday's melancholy LJ post from her. Below is the exchanges springing from that. Me 7:05am Thank you for including me in the fairy tales. Vivi 7:02pm How could I not? I’m missing you and what we had, too. Just working thought the catalyst for that piece. Fond memories, though bittersweet.

She Writes

of her failed relationships. I recognized many of her past loves & lovers in her sentences. I think these parts are about me. Once upon a time, I had the confidence and the skills and the determination to make you climb the furniture. And I had the vulnerability and the courage to kneel at your feet and finally begin to understand intimacy. Once upon a time, with the look on your face seared into my mind as I lowered my mouth to feed, at last free of restriction, I felt no fear for the consequences. Once upon a time, you worn dress greens, and I went weak in the knees as soon as I laid eyes on you. Once upon a time, my hand on your upper chest, fingers spread wide and eyes locked with yours, feeling you gasp and shudder just from the nearness of me, and swelling with pride and passion, I felt in control. And then the tragic ending... So many fairytales, populated with wolves and frogs and witches and princes and princesses too charming for my own good, chosen not wisely, but often -- despite myself -- well. At least once upon a time. None of them stuck around for a happily ever after. All I have to say is if you treated any of them with even 1/2 the disregard that you gave me...it's no wonder that it all was only "once upon a time."

Honest as the Day is Long

Your result for The Best Thing About You Test...

Honesty

Honesty is the human quality of communicating and acting truthfully. This includes listening, and any action in the human repertoire — as well as speaking. And you? You cannot tell a lie. Both loved ones and strangers should trust you, because you won't (1) lie, (2) lie via omission, or (3) sit there and let lies be told. (Can you even let a sleeping dog lie?) All 7 virtues are a part of you, but your honesty runs deepest.

Your biggest risk is hurting the feelings of your most sensitive friends. However, most appreciate you for your candor.

Honest famous person: George Washington, if you believe the propaganda.

Your raw relative scores follow. 0% is low, and 100% is perfect, nearly impossible. Note that I pitted the virtues against each other, so in some way these are relative scores. It's impossible to score high on all of them, and a low score on one is just relatively low compared to the other virtues.

YOUR VIRTUES

78% Honesty

44% Intelligence

43% Courage

42% Passion

38% Humility

30% Compassion

13% Discipline

Take The Best Thing About You Test at HelloQuizzy

Just Say No

For a bit over a week, my ex-girlfriend (who I broke up with a bit over a year ago) has been trying to get me to start things up with her again. Apparently she misses me, misses the power exchange & misses the sex. She's barely talked to me since we split, so...I wonder what else is missing in her life that all of the sudden makes her think it's a good idea to pursue me. The reasons I broke up are still valid. She is still lacking in morals & she still doesn't understand what she did that hurt me so much...so often. I asked her what would be different if we got back together. This is what she said - I don't think we could. I can't do anything more to let you know how much I value you and care for you, and you don't seem to think it's enough. We're too dissimilar to maintain a relationship. That's not what I was aiming for, though. I miss hanging out with you, I miss the power play, I miss the sex, I miss having you in my life. I'd be happy trying out any combo of those, but I'm not ready for an intense relationship with you, or with anyone at the moment. Especially since you don't think I put enough into a relationship with you, I want to be clear that I don't have the resources to do so. Side Note - Anyone who's read my LJ for the last 2 years knows exactly what the issues were and just how 'valued' I was. My reply - Thank you for the honesty. I appreciate it. I love you. I wish I could settle for just being 'fuck buddies'....strangely enough, if it was any other woman, I would probably be totally cool with it. You though....you are my kryptonite. You have power over me, power to make me ecstatic & power to devastate me. It took me quite a while to pick up the pieces after we parted ways. As you can tell, I'm still pretty tender when poked. Edited for clarity - the stuff below is my thought process...NOT what I sent to her. So...no, no, and no again. Until you learn to treat people with respect, to value them for who & what they are (instead of what they can do for you), when you can treat people as something more than just an interesting toy that you can pick up when you're bored & forget about when you're not.... Just no. I deserve better than that. And even though it took me too long to 'get it', I love me & I love me more than I love you. Loving me means that I have to do what's best for me...and that's not anything to do with you.