On Becoming a Better Valia

This is a tentative list of things I would like to change about myself and/or accomplish over the next year or so. This list may be added to or changed, depending on what I am influenced by. This version of the list was started after I finished reading "Your Best Year Yet" by Jinny S. Ditzler. This book was given to all of the management level employees at my company....and me....for now, I'm the only hourly employee to have received the book. The CEO has mentioned more than once that she 'has plans for me'.....so maybe this is all part of 'the plan.' One thing I want to do is live a bit more authentically. I claim to be pagan & I claim to have an intense interest in human sexuality....but I rarely do anything to further my education in either of those areas. I have a lot of books on both topics.....unread books. 1 big reason they are unread....I read a lot at work (breaks), and I don't really feel like answering the questions that are bound to come up when co-workers see what I am reading. To my friends - I am an open book. To my co-workers, I am a very private person. I am there to work....that's all. So....in an effort to stop talking about wanting to learn more, and actually do something to learn more....I am going to find myself some book-covers, and read at least 1 occult & 1 human sexuality book every quarter. Another goal - stop living my life to the perceived dictates of others. I need to be loved & accepted...but you know....I don't need to beat myself up when people don't like me, I don't need to make myself into something that I am not to try to become more popular. I am going to try to learn to not let what people think of me dictate how I present myself to the world. If you notice that I seem to be worried too much about what 'others' think....please give me a gentle reminder to knock it off. :) 3rd goal - stop being nice to people who are nothing but a drain on my energy & time. If a 'friend' does nothing more but complain to me & bring negativity to my world....then I need to cut them loose. I need to be with people who are going to make my life and world a positive place. Some negativity is fine....we all have bad days/weeks.....but when all someone does is bitch about their life & never does anything to change their circumstance....and then gets pissy with me when I need someone to cry on.....I don't need that. To me, friendship is mutual give & take. When 1 person only gives & the other only takes....there is imbalance & it's just not a healthy relationship. As a corollary to this, I will also learn to be more honest with people. I don't necessarily lie but there's been plenty of times when I've said nothing, in order to keep from hurting someone's feelings....or to keep them from getting angry & in some cases....violent. I'm learning that I may not be doing anyone any favors by letting them think everything is all hunky-dory with them & me & the world we share. 4th goal - this has multiple parts. I am 5'10", I weigh 268 lbs & my measurements are 40DD-40-54. By Memorial Day weekend (Baycon), I want to have lost 20 lbs. From Baycon to Folsom St. Fair, I want to have lost an additional 20 lbs. This will put me at 228 by the end of September. If I can stay on track with those 2 goals, I will try for another 20 lbs by THIS time 2006. My ideal weight is 200 lbs. Once I get there, I'll hang for a while & evaluate how I feel and look. If I'm happy, then I will maintain 200, if I feel I need to go lower, I will stop at no less than 175. I am not a big fan of dieting. In lieu of that....I will instead make healthier choices about what I eat (IE reduced fat cookies over regular ones), I will continue taking TRIMSPA to help reign in my appetite (with those alone I have lost 5 lbs in 1 month). We have a Health Rider, Ellyptical Trainer, and a multi-use weight machine. I will make a concerted effort to use 1 or all of these things at least 20 minutes a day, 5 days a week. 5th goal - finally....something work-related. This is also a multi-part goal. My direct boss wants me to learn more about recruiting and interviewing. I am already slated for 2 webinars, and there are several books & CD's that I am trying to get my company to purchase....for my benefit, but also to be used for training others in these skills. The 2nd part of this is more personal, but will have a direct & hopefully positive impact on my career. For most of my adult working life, I have been told that I have an attitude problem, I am quick to anger, I get mean when frustrated/stressed, and that I need to work on my people skills. I have been making a concerted effort over the years to change these qualities for the positive. I believe I have made huge strides, especially in the last 5 years....but I also believe I have gone about as far as I can without professional help. So, I have gotten the go-ahead to take a class called 'Managing Your Emotions Under Pressure.' I am sincerely looking forward to this class, & I am hoping that I can take it to heart & put it to use. My current attitude & people skills are only going to stand in my way. I know I can do more, be more....and if changing these things about myself is a way to get further in my career....then I will make every effort I can to change for the better. Ok.....that's the 1st edition of my route to having "Your Best Year Yet!"