Social Anxiety

17 years ago, when I was in highschool....I seemed to have no real trouble being friends with people, and doing things that friends usually do. I knew I could call a friend (boy or girl) up, and we could just talk for hours....about our day at school, our love life (or lack there of), what concerts we wanted to go to, our outlook on life, religion, and the world we lived in....I knew that if I wanted to go do something, I could call up whatever friend wasn't working that day, and we could just go hang out....skating, shopping, see a movie, grab food....whatever....just typical shit that people who liked each other, did with each other. Now....things just seem so different. Now....I feel like I'm just intruding when I call someone....I feel like I'm taking up their valuable time, making them pay attention to me, when they could be doing something much more rewarding (like watch paint dry?). On the rare occasions that someone actually wants to sit on the phone & chat...then I find myself at a loss. It's been so long since I've just shot the breeze, that I'm not even sure where to take a conversation once we get past the banalities of 'how's your day/week been?' And going out & doing things....a whole 'nother kettle of fish. I hear people talking about the movies they saw with friends A, B, & C, I hear about the restaruant that X & Z just tried, I hear about the weekend spent shopping at thrift stores....and I wonder, how do I get in on all of this? How do I have a social life that contains something besides munches and parties? Saturday, I spent the better part of an afternoon at Stoneridge Mall with a good friend of mine. As I type this, I sit and wonder, just how long has it been since I've done that with someone besides Rik (who's often an unwilling victim). I heard some people talking about getting together for dinner before a party, and I wonder, besides Vicki, who do I grab dinner with before parties? For so many years now, I've felt like....people act like they are really happy to see me at parties & munches, but beyond that, they don't want to really be with me, and I don't really seem to exist outside of that realm. I feel like some people must have some sort of 'good friend quota' "Oh I can only be genuinely close to X people, and you are X+1". I feel like I just don't really....matter. I honestly am not sure how I can go about making things different. Do I just give people a call & hope that they want to talk and have the time to talk? When I hear people making plans for some sort of outting....do I ask if I can join them? When I have nothing to do some day or night, do I call someone or IM them & see if they want to hang out with me? Would I be opening myself up for good times with good friends.....or would I find out what I don't think I want to know....that I don't really matter....