Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Preaching to the Choir
Today's horoscope from MSN.com
Leo July 22 - August 22
It is time for you to refill the well of your soul, dear Leo. So much of your life is spent in service to others, it is only natural that you will feel drained from time to time. Rather than try to push past this feeling and go on as though nothing were the matter, you should instead consider it a sign that something is amiss in your life. If you are feeling unappreciated, admit it. You have spent too much of your life putting others' happiness before your own. It is time to change your priorities.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I was gonna leave another comment
But I thought this made a good stand alone post...a little insight into the workings of my mind.
In the instance that prompted me to make that post in the 1st place...I actually had spoken to both people in the past, more than once about both sets of situations...and in both cases, I was told that I was misinterpreting what was really going on, or that things really weren't as I was seeing them.
I felt like my thoughts, my feelings were being totally invalidated...I felt that I was being told I was wrong for thinking/feeling the way I did, and I felt it was being implied that any other person would not be bothered by the things that were bothering me.
So...I let things go...I re-examined things, and gee...I experienced the same things all over again...so I decided I don't care who's wrong or right...but that I deserve to be heard & have my feelings taken into consideration.
1. I'm not one of those girls that means maybe or yes, when they've just said no to something. No really means no. It does not mean push me & I'll capitulate. It does not mean ask me again & again & I'll see the error of my ways & change my mind. It most definitely does not mean invade my space & try to get me to do what you want...even if it's something as innocent as eating a piece of food from your fingers. It also does not mean that you get to back pedal & deny that you were trying to do exactly what it was that I just said no to...in the hopes of making me believe that I was just misinterpreting your behavior.
2. I find it embarrassing to have to call red during a conversation. I feel like I don't have control of anything that is happening & that saying red is the only way I've been left to regain control.
3. You might be a great person & have a lot of the qualities that I'm looking for ... but if you are excessively pushy &/or you come on too strong with little regard for what I do or do not want...you are really shooting yourself in the foot with regards to having any chances of being with me. Which leads to 4.
4. There's a fine line between assertive & pushy/aggressive. I appreciate assertive. I like it when a woman knows what she wants & isn't afraid to say so. What I don't like is when a woman feels the need to try and take what she wants, with no regard for what the other person may want. And hey, guess what...I am the one drawing the line here. If you don't think you're being pushy/aggressive...and I do...well, guess who's opinion matter more in this little transaction.
5. While I may be a dominant/top, I do not feel the need to assert my dominance over every seemingly submissive & available (or not available for that matter) woman that crosses my path. I wait until they show an interest in me & in interacting that way. And no, I do not believe that merely introducing themself to me, or even looking my way constitutes interest or permission for me to be all domly towards them. I see that type of behavior as predatory....and overly masculine. I see that behavior more often from your stereotypical Het Male Dom...and it's not a behavior I find attractive in anyone, male or female, and it's most definitely not a characteristic I want to exhibit myself. Sure, I'm looking for a woman to have some fun (or more) with, but that doesn't mean that I need to throw myself at every one that crosses my path. Just because that happens to work (well unfortunately) for someone else, doesn't mean that it's something that I should do in the hopes that it'll work for me. In the past, I know I've come on too strong to some women & I know that doing so totally made things backfire for me. Instead of drawing them closer, I ended up driving them away. So...explain to me why I should be even more over the top & just start dominating every interesting woman that crosses my path?
6. When I try to tell you that I am having a problem with something (or I see you doing something that bothers me), what I want is for you to take what I am saying to heart and I want you to think about what I'm trying to tell you. Don't just blow me off because you don't agree with what I say & you don't see the same things that I see. I'm looking at situations from the outside...and I'm reporting to you what I see as an outsider & what, most likely, other people on the outside are seeing too. If something is unattractive &/or annoying to me, isn't it possible that other people might feel that way too & just decide not to say something about it because they don't want to start an argument, or cause bad feelings, or in many cases, aren't up to putting themself in a place of discomfort.
Friday, February 22, 2008
I arrr a Pirate...
Sort of.
There's a Pirate themed party @ Edges this weekend. I have a pretty nifty outfit that I wore to the last one, but the pants don't fit me at the moment.
So...while driving home from work last night, I was hit with inspiration.
Khaki canvas/denim pants (Thanks Rick)
a gauzy ruffled purple pirate shirt (left untucked)
http://www.pirateswag.com/store/cart.php?m=product_detail&p=96
and a bronze leather under bust corset from Timeless Trends.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Black-Leather-Underbust-Victorian-Corset-Size-28_W0QQitemZ290197223030QQihZ019QQcategoryZ11522QQtcZphotoQQcmdZViewItemQQ_trksidZp1742.m153.l1262
Oh...and the footwear, tan Doc Martens, not quite the ones pictured, but the closest I could find.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000MXSFTS/ref=nosim/?tag=yahoo-apparel-20&creative=380333&creativeASIN=B000MXSFTS&linkCode=asn
Now I just need a wench to take captive....hm...or maybe a cabin boi.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I might put out, but you can't afford me.
Which X-Files stock character are you?
The Hapless Prostitute!
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Monday, February 18, 2008
Happy Dance!
I got to officiate at the wedding of 2 friends today.
Very casual wedding in Golden Gate Park. There were about 16 people there, the weather was somewhat sunny but chilly.
The vows they each wrote were heart-felt & lovely. The bride teared up a bit after hearing the grooms vows. Lots of love, laughter & pictures. You could see the joy radiating off of the bride & groom.
All in all a lovely ceremony.
I love performing weddings. :)
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Something
For me to keep in mind when I start looking for the Capital R Relationship...
Try to avoid getting entangled with someone who has more baggage than I do...and who is more high maintenance than I am.
I fully admit that being with me isn't easy...and I think I'd be OK with someone who has a similar amount of issues as I do...but I don't have the wherewithal to give a lot of support to someone with more issues than I have.
I have to remember that in the long run, no matter how much I may care about someone...I need to care about myself more. Giving too much of myself isn't going to help either of us in the long run. In the past, I would sometimes slip into a state where I give & give...and it just seems to be expected that I keep on giving, no matter what,...and if I pipe up & let it be known that I'm running low & could stand to have some giving tossed my way...the other person seems to be less than thrilled.
That just plain needs to be avoided...but as I well know, things like that are things I still need to work on.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Yes, I think I am
I attended the Women's Party @ The Citadel last night.
While there, I ran into someone I hadn't seen since April. We chatted a bit & she asked me if I had been seeing anyone or dating since The Wench & I had split up.
I told her that I had had some lovely encounters, but that I wasn't dating anyone.
She asked if I wanted to.
I thought about it.
And the answer was 'yes, but I don't want it with the desperate intensity I used to.'
So yeah....life the way it is, is just fine. I'm enjoying what the Universe has chosen to share with me. I'm open to more. I'm open to another Capital R Relationship...but I don't need it as much as I used to.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
And this shows your sincerity how?
A 22 y/o submissive woman emailed me on CollarMe.
Her initial email looked like she said she was from Fremont, Texas.
I politely declined her offer of utter submission & stated she lived too far.
She piped up with saying she lived in Fremont, off of Mowry.
After that, came a total of 5 emails asking to talk to me NOW.
Each time I politely told her that I wasn't available to talk at this moment. I told her that my cell was charging (still is for that matter), and that I didn't give out my home # to people I hadn't met before.
I kept trying to actually have a conversation with her, asked her about her interests & such...but she was fixated on talking on the phone NOW.
Um....ok then. So, after telling her again why I couldn't talk right this minute...she stopped emailing me.
Gotta love those deeply submissive types who want their demands met immediately.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Wo-Man!
What Type Of Retro Gal Are You?
You are the exotic pin-up. Nothing about you is ordinary. You are mysterious and lean toward foreign places and exciting women.
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Sunday, February 10, 2008
1 more while I'm in a talkative mood
At what point do I finally say 'ok, while this is important to me, it doesn't out-weigh other realities any more?'
For a very long time, I've been extremely resistant to the idea of moving out of state, because 1. I don't want to start all over again, essentially alone (since Rik's not exactly going to go to munches & parties with me), 2. I don't want to lose the people that are important to me here, and 3. I'm less than fond of the politics, religion &/or weather in most of the good ol' U S of A.
BUT there's the reality of life to consider.
We are currently paying $3,317.00 per month for the pleasure of owning our home. Long & short, even though Rik & I combined make just short of $150K a year right now...we aren't exactly living high on the hog. Sure, all of our bills are paid, we have the things we need in life, and some of the things we want. What we don't have is savings (besides our 401(k)'s), for the future, or even for emergencies for that matter. Yeah, we have a 2 high limit ($34,600 total) credit cards...but sheesh, I'm already paying off $17,500 on 1 of them as it is. Right now, it's Vicki's rent that's paying for 2/3-3/4 of the $1,000 a month I pay on that credit card. Vicki will be moving soon (by July 1 at any rate), and I'm still not quite sure how I'm going to re-arrange our finances to keep paying that $1,000 a month to Citi Card.
2 years ago before the housing market went Ka-Blooey, our house was worth over $700,000. We paid $480,000 for it and put $100,000 down when we first bought it. 2 years ago, we could have sold our house and paid out right for a 3,500 sqft home on 10 acres in Bloomington, IN. No mortgage. Hell, I probably could have paid off the credit card & my car while I was at it.
Imagine if you will having NO debts to pay off.
Sometimes I just feel my priorities are really out of whack....I place my social &/or love life above our future, our financial security...above a lot of things.
I don't think Rik really cares where we live (as long as it isn't too hot &/or too humid). I know he'd prefer that we had less money going out. I think he'd probably be thrilled if we moved closer to the Haunt industry (which is pretty much the mid-west). If the focus remains on me & what I want, I could agree to Portland...there's more than a few people that I know up there (Bay Area Transplants), so it's not like I'd really be starting completely over, I'd at least have a friend or 2 that I could hang with until I get myself 'established.'
I've been thinking more & more about moving....2010 is probably the soonest we could do it. According to those that know, the housing market should be going back up around then. One of the things I thought about when I decided to stay at Metro 1 (work) was that it'd be a pain to leave there, start a new job and then leave that job in a year or 2 if we moved, and then start yet another job. So that was part of my decision to stay.
I guess another thing I think about a lot too is just how selfish I am. I mean, as far as I can tell, pretty much the only reason we're still in the Bay Area is because I want to be. I know our families would be thrilled if we moved closer (especially my mom). But then again, I'm not exactly thrilled with that, I'm not exactly close to my family or Rik's. I've always said there's a very good reason why I live 2,500 miles from my mom. :) The facts are the facts though, and right now the fact I'm looking at is that we could be living so much better someplace else...and that it's me that is keeping up from doing that.
Revisiting BBY V.3
Co-Inky-Dinky
I was just talking to a friend about this failing of mine last night.
Your Score: Generous Heart
Score: 66.74.16.20
You're a romantic and generous person. You're only fault perhaps is not speaking your mind at risk of hurting others. Keep that kind heart!
Link: The Love Approach Test written by thatguy_28 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona TestMonday, February 4, 2008Not Quite 52 Pick-upYou are The Wheel of FortuneGood fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of intoxication with success The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change. What Tarot Card are You? Saturday, February 2, 2008From Tribe topic to LJ Post
The question posted on Tribe was Is it OK for women to engage in casual sex? and it referenced this article http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22808552/ Below was my reply.
I think another thing to consider is some of the mental processes a person may have going on too.
Years ago, I used sex as a way of seeking validation...to me at that time, it meant that people found me attractive & worthwhile. For me at that time, sex = love. It took me a while to figure out that those things weren't actually true...people didn't want me for me & they didn't really care about me...they just wanted me because I would 'put out.'
For a long time after that, I rarely got physically involved with someone unless there was a deep bond of trust & affection...which for the most part came few & far between.
Now, I tend to look at things differently. I know that I'm a worthwhile person without having to look for outside validation (but having it is always nice), and I know that while sex & love together are an amazing thing....1 or the other alone is pretty damn nice too.
Anyways, I guess the point I'm trying to make...is that if your having casual sex just because it's a fun thing & it make you feel good...then great. However, if you are using it to search for some sort of validation of your worthiness, and/or attractiveness...I think there are better ways of getting that.
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