Thursday, December 30, 2004
Monday, December 27, 2004
Say something why dontcha?
copied from venusrising
Let's start with a clean slate for 2005.
Do you have any unspoken grievances against me?
Even trivial ones?
Anything you wanted to confess?
Anything at all you wanted to tell me but haven't for whatever reason?
If so, comment here and let it be known.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Living Dead Dolls
I've been collecting Living Dead Dolls-Fashion Victims. Hubby got me ALL of Series 2, plus Lilith from Series 1 (just missing Kitty now) for Xmas (on EBAY as a set). However, prior to this I had bought 1 of the dolls from Series 2....so
I now have 2 of this doll. http://www.towerrecords.com/product.aspx?pfid=3119463
Her 2nd outfit is a gold lame halter, tutu, sheer stockings and rollerskates. She is still in the box, never opened.
Is anyone interested in trading me something for her?
Sunday, December 19, 2004
the A to Z of Friendship
I found this on mwwlw.com
A friend -
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
Married Women Who Love Women
I found this site, http://www.mwwlw.net/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi via a conversation on tribe.net.
From what I can tell, it seems to be more of a support group than a 'hook-up' thing, but I only spent 1/2 hour reading, so I might not have gotten the full flavor of the site.
Anyways.....I posted a rather lengthy intro there...and decided it would make a good LJ post too.
This site was the topic of conversation on a group I'm in on tribe.net, so I figured I'd give it a look-see & see if I might fit in somewhere.
I've been married for about 10.5 years....happily for the most part. We have our ups & downs, as all relationships do.
I've been actively involved with women since I was 18, but having intense emotional feelings for them since I was 7 (I'm 34.5 now).
I grew up not being exposed to a lot of things involving human sexuality....so it wasn't until I was a teenager that I fully even understood what gay, lesbian & bisexual meant....let alone that I was in the group somewhere.
I met my husband when I was 21, while in college. From the get-go, he thought I was gay....as when we first met, I was chasing around a girl I had a severe crush on. It wasn't until a few month later, when I was breaking up with my boyfriend, that my husband figured out I was at least somewhat interested in guys.....but it was about 2 years after that before he could catch me single....
During that 2 years, we were in several classes together & spent time getting to know each other....and he got to find out all my 'oddities.' Besides being bi, I was/am also polyamourous, pagan & into BDSM.
He proposed to me about a month after we started dating. We talked a very long time about my life & the things that would or would not be different if we got married. I let him know in very clear terms that I was not willing to give up my love for women, or my being into alternative worship & sexual practices....but that I would be willing to compromise with certain things.
My compromises are fairly simple & not at all difficult for me. #1 is that no other person gets more than 1/2 of my free time....my husband is #1 in my life as far as relationships go. #2 is that I do not get emotionally or sexually involved with males.
#1 just makes sense to me, and #2 is no real hardship, since by that time my interest in males had begun to wane anyways. I always tell people that I am heterosexually monogamous.
During the last 10.5 years, I've had relationships with 5 women. In addition, I have had a deep emotional connection (but physically platonic) with a woman who has been submissive to me for the last 8.5 years.
Due to some bad experiences I've had with a few males over the last 15 years....my general interest in the species as a whole has been nearly nil. I have a few male friends that I talk to & flirt with....but by & large I just don't trust guys & generally try to put up a good enough front that most just don't even approach me.
About 5 years ago, things got real bad for me, due to some harassment I was a target of...and for about 6 months I was debating whether or not I should even be married.....but I decided to try therapy first instead of heading to a divorce attorney. I just had a generalized hatred of males....and I was taking it out on my husband....who had never done anything to deserve my bad treatment of him. He has always been my rock....my solace & my coming home. I can't imagine my life without him.
I sometimes think that our marriage is wrong for him....that he'd be better off with a woman who was at least somewhat more normal than I am....but he's always maintained that this is where he wants to be.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt though....that if for some reason we do decide to part ways....he will be the last male I will ever be emotional or physically involved with.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Embarrassed? Annoyed? I'm not sure....
Something that's been running around my head since Saturday night.
Everyone knows I seem to have a certain fascination with the female breasts. (no really?) Somehow though, it seems to be what I am now known for more than anything else. My last 10 years in the Community seem to add up to nothing. I like to think there's a bit more substance to me than that....but I guess I just don't manage to come across that deep after all.
Anyways....at a party, 2 partially clothed ladies were standing next to me. 1 I consider a friend, 1 I don't even know. A comment was (loudly) made to the unknown woman, something to the effect of 'Valia likes boobs a lot!' The girl kind of looked worried, but also kind of expectant. I on the other hand was somewhat embarrassed.
About 5 minutes later, another woman I know, let me know that anytime I wanted to fondle her boobs....I was more than welcome to.
I guess I've just never really explained this to many people....
While most breasts are indeed great things to look at.....I am not fascinated by, nor do I want to fondle all the breasts that come into my range. Surprisingly enough....I am rather picky about who I pay attention to.
I'll look admiringly, at almost anyone that I do not already know. But it's the knowing that makes the difference. Actually, to be more accurate....it's the caring.
Someone I know could have a lovely pair of breasts.....but if I do not even like that person....I barely take notice of them....let alone want to fondle or otherwise get close to them. The lady mentioned above, with her offer for fondling at anytime....you couldn't pay me enough to want to fondle & flirt with her.....while I can be nice to her, to be honest, I don't really like her, she started off on a bad foot with me several years ago....and it hasn't gotten much better since.
People also accuse me of being a size queen....since some of the women who I am lucky enough to fondle....have been graced with an abundance of cleavage. However, what people do not seem to notice, is that more of the women I like and am lucky enough to fondle are a nice,lovely handful.....
Honestly, size to me, is irrelevant....it's all about the person that the breasts happen to be attached to. My caring for, respecting & admiring someone play more of a role in my interest in them than the size of their breasts do.
Another thing....it's not necessarily about sex either. Sure, I like to fondle, lick, kiss breasts as much as the next person....but a lot of times, it's a comfort thing for me. It's nice to just rest my head on someone's chest and listen to their heart. It's nice to just have my hand laying on a breast, having that slightly more intimate contact with someone. It's just nice to be with a woman that I like.
Friday, December 10, 2004
Photo Day
1st Version
Take the Quiz and build your portrait! It's kind of like the enneagram.....there's a few questions that 2 answers were correct, depending on the situation. Both pictures have their truths.... Slight Changes
Take the Quiz and build your portrait!
Take the Quiz and build your portrait! It's kind of like the enneagram.....there's a few questions that 2 answers were correct, depending on the situation. Both pictures have their truths.... Slight Changes
Take the Quiz and build your portrait!
Thursday, December 9, 2004
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
Stolen from Mzmtnlion
1. Go out with me?
2. Give me your number?
3. Have sex with me?
4. Let me kiss you?
5. Watch a movie with me...even a really sappy one?
6. Let me take you out to dinner?
7. Drive me somewhere/anywhere?
8. Take a shower with me?
9. Be my GF/BF?
10. Have a fling with me?
11. Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends?
12. Buy me a drink if I didn't have money?
13. Take me home for the night?
14. Would you let me sleep in your bed?
15. Sing car karaoke with me?
16. Sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
17. Re-post this for me to answer your questions?
18. Let me give you a piggyback ride?
19. Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
Incapacitated to a degree
#1 - The Car.....I'm looking at about $8,500.00 worth of damage. My mechanic said that if my airbags had deployed, the bill would have been near $12,000.00, and they might have declared the car a total loss.
My mechanic owns the shop, and at the moment, it's just him working. He is going to try to get help from a friend's shop....he's trying to get everything fixed ASAP, but it could be over 2 weeks.
#2 - Me....my right hand/wrist is not broken, but it hurts like hell. I've got a removable cast on and a prescription of Darvocet. I also went & bought a lighter wrist cast, similar to what you'd wear for carpal tunnel or tendonitis problems.
I'm fairly capable of working on the computer...as shown here. :)
Everything else though....is difficult. I can't really grasp things or lift things with my right hand. Getting dressed/undressed is a challange. Driving.....painful.
I don't like being helpless, incapacitated. I don't like having to rely on others for things. I don't like asking for assistance. Especially when I end up feeling like I'm being a burden, or a hassle. Work....it was like listening to 2 people talk at once. On 1 hand, I get told to do whatever I needed to do, to go see a doctor, whatever......and on the other hand I'm told that I need to try to schedule things for after work.
Rik is also very sick right now....sick enough that he can't go into work...which means that I'm driving myself.....
We're having our annual Joint Staff Meeting tomorrow morning. I'm supposed to be at the conference room at 6:00 AM to help get things organized. My boss drove me to BART this afternoon, so I could get home....and first she tells me that I can come in at 6:30 tomorrow.....then she grudgingly said that if I couldn't come in, to call her cell and leave a message.
I told her that the only reason I wouldn't be in....would be if Rik is still too sick to work....and I'm too sore to drive.
Part of me wants to be coddled & catered to......served if you will....
but part of me also is leery of what strings & conditions will be attached to said service.
Monday, December 6, 2004
For Phoebe
If I told you that I loved you, would you understand that I meant it as a friend....or would I be misunderstood?
I admire you for your drive, your intelligence, your efforts to succeed in your chosen field.
I admire you for having ethics & morals, and doing your best to live your life according to them.
I admire you for genuinely caring about the people in your life.....not just caring when it's convenient.
We haven't spent a huge amount of time with each other during the last few years, but I think what there has been, has been quality. You always make me think and look at things in a different light.
You've been wonderful about letting my cry or complain to you, and you'll never know how much I appreciate it.
I could probably say more....but I think I've said enough for now.
Can I say that I love you, and have you understand?
Wham
I've been involved in another accident. I'm not really sure what happened....there were 3 cars involved, but from what the other 2 say, it was started by another car.....apparently he slowed down real fast & made a left turn without signalling or anything.
Car #1 - swerved to the right and went past the turning guy.
Car #2 - swerved to the right, couldn't slow down fast enough & bumped Car #1.
Car #3(that's me) - swerved to the right, couldn't slow down fast enough & hit Car #2.
I stopped immediately after hitting Car #2. Cars #1 & #2 kept driving and pulled off the road about 50-100 ft in front of me. I had pulled off onto a gravel shoulder on the right.
I 1st called Rik and gave him the bare details & told him to come get me. I then called 911, and they took a basic report & sent out the CHP.
The driver of Car #2 came back to me & we swapped information. She said her car wasn't damaged that badly. She had already swapped info with the driver of Car #1. A moment later, the driver of Car #1 came up and he & I swapped information. By that time, the CHP got to the scene.
No one claimed to be injured, and no one wanted to file an offical report, so the CHP said we should all just deal with our respective insurances and file a 'counter report' if needed.
The CHP told me I could leave, so I did.
Damage.....my front end is a mess. The hood is crumpled, the left headlight is busted, I can't open my passengar door....I'm sure there's more, but it's too dark for me to see what.
The car seems to be drivable (I drove about 7 miles from the accident to home), so I'm driving to work in Concord tomorrow & my mechanic who is in Fairfield is going to pick up my car in Concord.
That's about the long & the short of it for right now.
Since we're down to 1 vehicle.....I may not be making the next munch or 2. I will be at V's next party though. Hubby has been kind enough to let me have the car Saturday night.
More details as they come, if you want them.
Saturday, December 4, 2004
Do they really know me?
More quizzes
Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotionally temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"
Domination
You are most comfortable when in control. Having someone at your beck and call makes you hot. You can be very demanding, and expect perfection! In the bedroom, you take charge. Your motto is It's My way or the highway! Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"
Atheist
You are Godless! You could care less about religion. As far as you're concerned, if you can't see, touch and kick something, it's not real to you. You're day-to-day activities consist of eating, working, sleeping and the occasional Internet or coffee shop debate. Lastly, if anyone chooses to preach at you otherwise, you will either leave or debate them until they finally shut up. Take the quiz: "Find your IQ (pictures)"
Above Average IQ 111 to 124
Your IQ 111 to 124. This significantly higher than the US Average of 98. You have a tendency to either have very good grades or be a slacker due to a mental condition. Smart people usually have emotional problems. You also may be interested in art, anime, and anything dealing with creation. You may have ADHD if you do not do well in school. It's not your fault, you're in a good position and have more power over people than you think.
July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotionally temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"
Domination
You are most comfortable when in control. Having someone at your beck and call makes you hot. You can be very demanding, and expect perfection! In the bedroom, you take charge. Your motto is It's My way or the highway! Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"
Atheist
You are Godless! You could care less about religion. As far as you're concerned, if you can't see, touch and kick something, it's not real to you. You're day-to-day activities consist of eating, working, sleeping and the occasional Internet or coffee shop debate. Lastly, if anyone chooses to preach at you otherwise, you will either leave or debate them until they finally shut up. Take the quiz: "Find your IQ (pictures)"
Above Average IQ 111 to 124
Your IQ 111 to 124. This significantly higher than the US Average of 98. You have a tendency to either have very good grades or be a slacker due to a mental condition. Smart people usually have emotional problems. You also may be interested in art, anime, and anything dealing with creation. You may have ADHD if you do not do well in school. It's not your fault, you're in a good position and have more power over people than you think.
Surprise
 | You scored as alternative. You're partially respected for being an individual in a conformist world yet others take you as a radical. You have no place in society because you choose not to belong there - you're the luckiest of them all, even if your parents are completely ashamed of you. Just don't take drugs ok?
What Social Status are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, December 2, 2004
It Resonates
Hoobastank - The Reason
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
My True Calling
Take the quiz: "Who would you be in the War of Armageddon?"
The Antichrist
You'd be most fit for the role of The Antichrist in the War of Armageddon. You are the most vile of all human beings ever created. You possess supernatural powers not of this world, granted to you by Satan himself. You are perhaps the most intelligent human, with a wit like a fox and the ability to manipulate yourself into or out of any situation. You will conquer the entire earth using manipulation and an iron fist. Mankind is merely a pawn to you, something to use and to abuse. You will lead the dark armies through hell's gates and onto earth to fight the last battle between good and evil. Take the quiz: "Which Chaos God should you align with?"
Khorne
Khorne, The blood god, The lord of skulls. He is portrayed as an angry, bestial god who instills his champions with great strength to increase their abilities to commit genocide in His name. He is the hunter and the chase, living for the inevitable kill. The champions believe a day without a death in Khorne's name is a day wasted, making them as dangerous to their friends as their enemies. Take the quiz: "What dragon species are you? (Stunning pics)"
Fire Dragon
Rage, passion, you burn with the essence of a powerful flame. You are powerful and majestic and don't let anyone stand in your way without a fight. Take the quiz: "Which deviant fetish should you indulge in? (sexy pictures)"
Corset Fetish
Sexy yet constricting. Corset fetish is all you. The variety of corsets are incredible - from vinyl, lace, PVC, latex and many others. Whether you love the feeling of constriction around your waist or you simply love the curvy figure that appears when you slip a corset on - it always seems to look amazing! Take the quiz: "Which God or Goddess are you?"
God of Darkness
Seductive and, whether it's true or not, HOT! You don't mind using what you've got to take advantage of people, and you know you've got it. You don't care what people think of you and wear your sexual orientation on your sleeve. You are the second piece to the ultimate divine being, combining darkness with light makes the world live. Take the quiz: "which chaos god are you?"
Slaanesh
You are Slaanesh! The youngest of the dark gods. The god of pleasure and self indulgence. He cares only for himself and strives to seek perfection in everything he does. The most beautiful being ever to have existed. Take the quiz: "A GOOD RELIGION QUIZ"
Agnostic
You are either undecided, or just have no clue what's going on.
The Antichrist
You'd be most fit for the role of The Antichrist in the War of Armageddon. You are the most vile of all human beings ever created. You possess supernatural powers not of this world, granted to you by Satan himself. You are perhaps the most intelligent human, with a wit like a fox and the ability to manipulate yourself into or out of any situation. You will conquer the entire earth using manipulation and an iron fist. Mankind is merely a pawn to you, something to use and to abuse. You will lead the dark armies through hell's gates and onto earth to fight the last battle between good and evil. Take the quiz: "Which Chaos God should you align with?"
Khorne
Khorne, The blood god, The lord of skulls. He is portrayed as an angry, bestial god who instills his champions with great strength to increase their abilities to commit genocide in His name. He is the hunter and the chase, living for the inevitable kill. The champions believe a day without a death in Khorne's name is a day wasted, making them as dangerous to their friends as their enemies. Take the quiz: "What dragon species are you? (Stunning pics)"
Fire Dragon
Rage, passion, you burn with the essence of a powerful flame. You are powerful and majestic and don't let anyone stand in your way without a fight. Take the quiz: "Which deviant fetish should you indulge in? (sexy pictures)"
Corset Fetish
Sexy yet constricting. Corset fetish is all you. The variety of corsets are incredible - from vinyl, lace, PVC, latex and many others. Whether you love the feeling of constriction around your waist or you simply love the curvy figure that appears when you slip a corset on - it always seems to look amazing! Take the quiz: "Which God or Goddess are you?"
God of Darkness
Seductive and, whether it's true or not, HOT! You don't mind using what you've got to take advantage of people, and you know you've got it. You don't care what people think of you and wear your sexual orientation on your sleeve. You are the second piece to the ultimate divine being, combining darkness with light makes the world live. Take the quiz: "which chaos god are you?"
Slaanesh
You are Slaanesh! The youngest of the dark gods. The god of pleasure and self indulgence. He cares only for himself and strives to seek perfection in everything he does. The most beautiful being ever to have existed. Take the quiz: "A GOOD RELIGION QUIZ"
Agnostic
You are either undecided, or just have no clue what's going on.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Define Love
OOO, this almost has the right colors.
| sadism is love | |||||
| brought to you by the isLove Generator | |||||
| anthropomorphic art is love | |||||
| brought to you by the isLove Generator | |||||
| alternative history is love | |||||
| brought to you by the isLove Generator | |||||
| living dead dolls are love | |||||
| brought to you by the isLove Generator | |||||
Thursday, November 25, 2004
The Rules of Attraction
Around 1 PM, I started an essay that took me about 2 hours to write....and then 1 wrong keystroke lost the whole damn thing. So...after thinking about it for the rest of the day, and wondering if the disappearance was a sign of some sort...I finally decided to see if I could remember it all and re-create it....in MSWord this time. :)
What I’m about to pour out is something that I’ve probably only fully explained to 2 people. Others might suspect, maybe not.
I’ve never really chosen to discuss this at large, because I know it is something that can hurt feelings, and cause acrimony….and at the very least make me look shallow & somewhat of an hypocrite.
Everyone has certain physical and personality traits that they do and do not find attractive, on emotional and sexual levels. People who say ‘looks don’t matter, it’s the person inside that counts’, well I think that is a great thing, but I think when you really get down to it, looks do matter, to some extent or another.
Often for me though, the personality does make a lot of difference. I can admire someone who is physically well put together, but if they are dumb, mean, bitchy, or a liar…..they do not seem as attractive in my eyes. Conversely, someone who is does not fall into what society considers attractive….if they engage my mind and my heart….they will seem more physically attractive in my eyes. There’s been someone people I’ve been involved with in the past, and people say, ‘what did you see in them, they aren’t even pretty’….but I knew them, and to me, they were. Another factor can sometimes be whether or not the person is interested in me. There’s been more than once when I didn’t really even give someone consideration, but when I found out that they liked me….I would take another look at them, and find myself becoming interested.
Do I have a ‘type’? I’m not sure. I’ve loved blondes, brunettes, and red-heads. Tall people, short people, slender people, overweight people. One constant is that I generally am not attracted to people who I would consider physically extreme….like people who are built like professionally weightlifters, people who are significantly underweight, and people who are significantly overweight. Some famous examples of the body types I generally am not attracted to would be Calista Flockheart, Nell Carter, and Nicole Bass. Examples of types I have been attracted to would be Sara Rue, Chyna, and Angelina Jolie.
Another issue of attraction for me is personality traits. As my ad on Bondage.com states, I prefer to be with stable, intelligent, well-rounded women. I like women who are capable of laughing, loving and living. Women who are not afraid to cry, or yell when the occasion calls for either emotion. I like women who aren’t afraid to try something new. Women who genuinely give a damn about the people in their life and the world around them. Women who are around for all the times in their friends’ lives, not the just good events. Women who are able to admit when they’ve done something wrong are willing to make amends for it, and do what they can to learn from the mistakes.
The other side of the coin? Women who lie, cheat and steal. Women with low (or no) self-esteem/confidence. Women who are drama instigators and/or drama magnets. Women who have enough psychological baggage to send a family of therapists to Hawaii. Women who can’t or won’t take care of themselves, physically, mentally, emotional, and financially. Women who can’t or won’t take responsibility for themselves and/or their actions. Women who need to tear others down, in order to build themselves up. Women who look at others and only think ‘what can I get from them, how can I use them?’
Some might look at me and say “you’re a damned hypocrite. You are fat, you don’t always have great self-esteem….you are far from perfect.’ Well, duh! Who is perfect when you really get down to it? I do not ask for perfection, nor do I promise to give it. I do the best I can, and I hope that the people I choose to be involved with conduct themselves in the same way….the best that they can. But when push comes to shove, there are always going to be people out there that I may genuinely care for and admire….but for one reason or another, sometimes for a reason I can not even grasp or understand….I just don’t find them to be a person I want to be romantically or sexually involved with.
Does that make me a shallow hypocrite?
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
My Sins
 | You scored as Pride.
Seven deadly sins created with QuizFarm.com |
Monday, November 22, 2004
Borrowed from Yanijc
1. When did you first "friend" me?
2. Why did you first "friend" me?
3. What posts of mine do you like to read the best?
4. What would you like me to write about that I don't?
5. Do you think we would be friends in real life? (If we are do you think we'll see each other any time soon?)
6. How often do you read my journal?
7. What do we have in common?
8. What piece of advice would you like to give me?
9. Will you post this in your journal so I can answer?
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Trolling?
If there is someone on your friends list who you would either like to tie down and have your way with, teasing them mercilessly and making them beg for release, or have them tie YOU down, post this exact same sentence in your journal....
There are approximately 9 women on my list who I'd like to be in the above situation with....in either position.
Do any/all of them know? Yeah.....I'm not the most subtle person in the world when it comes to my having a crush or being attracted to someone.
Do any/all of them return the sentiments? Probably not. If they seriously do.....I truly don't know. We always flirt, but I'm kinda the type that needs to be bluntly told when it comes to someone being interested in me.....I try not to confuse innocent flirting with with actually feelings of romantic/intimate interest.
Anyone Miss Me?
I'm home, somewhat tan, relaxed & sporting a new rock. :)
Looking forward on catching up with the life that's passed by during the last 10 days. :)
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Thief
Stolen from at least 6 journals.
This is the problem with LJ, we all think we are so close, and we know nothing about each other. I'm going to rectify it. I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me, something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.
Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.
NOTE I am leaving on a 10-day Mexican Riviera cruise on 11/11/04. If I don't get back to people on this....please be patient & I'll do it when I get back.
Kisses!!!
Saturday, November 6, 2004
Grill Me
1) Leave a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2) I will respond and ask you 5 questions.
3) You'll update your live journal with my 5 questions and your 5 answers.
4) You'll include this explanation.
5) You'll ask other people 5 questions when they want to be interviewed (or you in turn can ask me questions)
From Shalyndra
1. Are you where you thought you'd be 10 years ago, in any sense?
Not really. In 1994, I had just gotten married & was working on my BA in psychology. At that time, I was planning on being some sort of counselor and working with troubled children & teens. In 1996, I finished my degree, but along the way, realigned my goals & decided I wanted to work more with human sexuality and less with children. Of course now....I'm doing neither. :)
2. What was childhood like for you? Where did you grow up?
I suppose, in most peoples eyes, it would seem that I had a decent childhood. In mine....from the POV of the person living it....it sucked. My mother & I moved a lot, due to her career. She was a very sought after hotel manager, and we moved every year or 2 to a different place, so that she could open a new hotel, or turn around a failing one.
I didn't have a lot of social skills (some would argue that I still don't), and I never had many friends growing up. They always picked on the new kid, in every school & at every level. If you could stand up to it, laugh it off...you were set. After a few weeks, people would accept you & start making friends with you. If you instead got angry, cried, started fights....you were screwed, and they would never let up on you. Since I had the same experiences over & over again....I was convinced there was some sort of network....kids in Indiana were somehow able to tell kids in Kansas exactly how to set me off...
I also didn't have that great of a relationship with my mom. She wanted a perfect child. Someone who got straight A's, and who was the head cheerleader & most popular all rolled into 1. Well, I got straight A's, for the most part...but that was it.
When I was 12.....I was upset about something & trying to tell her about it. She told me that she didn't want to hear it.....that she only wanted to hear about the positive things in my life. So....from then on....I pretty much told her nothing, because I didn't feel there was a lot positive to talk about.
I decided I was on my own then....and I 'grew up' without her help. She never knew me, and she never knew what was going on in my life....for the most part, she still doesn't. I gave her the illusion that she wanted. She wanted a perfect, smart, well-adjusted child....so that is what she saw.
3. Which do you identify most closely with, and why: "No regrets" or "I always try to learn from my mistakes"?
Learn. I've done a lot of stupid, mean, cruel, bad things over the years (not so much during the last 10)....that I regret doing, but that I also know I learned a lot from. One of things I've learned, from my own past, and also from watching the lives of others....is that I needed to live more honestly & honourably. For the last 10 years, that is something I've made a very strong effort at. I've also made a lot of mistakes in judgement....I used to be a lot more open & trusting....and now I know that not all people are as decent as they seem at 1st blush. 15 years ago, I thought the best way to 'better' myself was to get an education, and have a good career. While that was a good start...that shouldn't have been it. It took me a few more years to learn that there was more to being a 'decent' person than that. I think I need to go on learning day in & day out. If I keep doing the sames things over & over again....I'll never change & I'll never grow.
4. Do you have brothers or sisters? If so, how do you think your relationship with them (or, if not, life as an only child) has shaped you as a person?
As far as I know, I'm an only child. When was mom was 23, she had a full hysterectomy and then her & my father adopted me shortly after. They split up when she was 26, and then she remarried maybe 2-3 years later, and that marriage lasted about 7 years.
I think having someone to grow up with....maybe would have helped me learn how to get along with others better. I might have learned more about social interaction, I might have learned how to better deal with the slings & arrows of my peers. I might have also had someone in my life that I could love & rely on, and know that they felt the same about me.
5. How were you first able to negotiate the role of kink in your life with your husband?
We met in the Winter of 1991, but didn't start dating until Summer of 1993. Between those times, he got to learn a lot about me. I got into BDSM in 1992, from a roommate who wanted me to dominate her (I never did by the way....the chemistry just wasn't there). When I moved in with Rik, we joined a local 'adult' BBS, and I met a pro-domme on there, who became my mentor. I went to some classes with her, a few parties, and even did a paid session with her 1 time. As it was all happening, I told Rik everything. He read some of the books I had, and for about a year, went to Bondage A Go-Go with me. He tried to scene with me a few times, both as a bottom & a top....and after it was all said & done, he decided that the whole thing just didn't interest him. From that point....the negotiations were simple....don't try to engage him in it any more, and when I got involved (played) with others, there was to be nothing sexual with people who still have a penis attached to them.
He's told me, more than once, if he had met me later, after I was more involved with BDSM, he probably would have never dated me....but that since he was with me pretty much from the beginning, it was easier for him to accept.
Friday, October 29, 2004
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Sexy Meme
Ride me?
Try to touch this?
| Your Sex Icon by xo wildxfire ox | |
|---|---|
| Username | |
| Girl/Boy | |
| Your Sex Icon |  |
| Quiz created with MemeGen! | |
| Your Sex Icon by xo wildxfire ox | |
|---|---|
| Username | |
| Girl/Boy | |
| Your Sex Icon |  |
| Quiz created with MemeGen! | |
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
For all you Poly Folks
This was provoked by nothing....just kinda popped into my head.
For those of you who are, or have been in poly relationships....
If you & 1 partner have a disagreement or fight do you expect/hope/want your other partner(s) to -
1. Stick up for you (defend you), even if you might be in the wrong?
2. Be the mediator and help you reconcile with the partner your disagreeing with?
3. Be mad at your other partner, just because you are?
4. Just leave you alone, knowing that you'll work it out alone, or ask for help if you need/want it?
5. None of the above, some other option?
Monday, October 25, 2004
Question #31
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I can't remember
I had been thinking about this off & on....it seemed odd to me that I couldn't even remember when I last cried.
The last 2 times I can remember.....in April when Dana & I split up, and a few weeks ago when I dented my car door.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Stolen from K'shandra
Let's Play 50 Questions
WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?
Heather Colleen Cary or Valia Aryanna Derekin
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?
red sweatpants
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
TNA Wrestling
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Some chocolate cake & some cheesecake
DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
yes
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHICH COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Purple
HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
Partly Sunny (as opposed to partly cloudy....I'm an optimist)
LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Vicki
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO YOU?
I stole it from her, but yes, she is a fine person indeed.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
Still trying to wake up.
FAVORITE DRINK?
Caramel macchiato/frappachino
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Mudslide
FAVORITE SPORT?
Watching - professional wrestling & ice skating. Playing - none
HAIR COLOR?
golden-blonde
EYE COLOR?
blue
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No, I had Lasik a few years ago.
# OF SIBLINGS?
None that I know of.
FAVORITE MONTH?
July
FAVORITE FOOD?
seafood, Chinese & Indian
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Shawn of the Dead
FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
My wedding anniversary, my birthday & Halloween
WHAT DO YOU DO TO VENT ANGER?
Depends on the situation, sometimes I'll just swallow it, sometimes I'll cuss, sometimes I'll have it out with the person I'm angry at.
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Lincoln Logs
SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer
HUGS OR KISSES?
AND
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Chocolate
DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO RESPOND TO THIS?
Sure
WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
*shrug* Depends on who's in a meme mood when they see it.
WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
See above
LIVING ARRANGEMENTS?
With my husband in a 2/3 unpacked home
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I can't remember
WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
Nothing, we have a Captain's Bed
WHAT FRIENDS HAVE YOU HAD THE LONGEST?
K'shandra & I have known each other since 1989, my husband since 1991, and Vicki since 1997
WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
I went to Society of Janus 30th Anniversary party at the Citadel
FAVORITE SOUNDS?
music, cries of pleasure, voices of loved ones
WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
My own desire to be someone.
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
Being alone
PLAIN, BUTTERED OR SALTED POPCORN?
butter & salt, or Jolly Time Cheddar
FAVORITE CAR?
My PT Cruiser
FAVORITE FLOWER?
Sterling silver roses
NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
1 housekey, 2 work keys, 2 car keys, 2 handcuff keys, and 2 suitcase keys
CAN YOU JUGGLE?
Objects, no. Lovers, usually.
FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK?
Saturday
WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
I can't remember. Probably went to Reno or the Wine Country
WOULD YOU RATHER READ OR WATCH T.V.?
Unless it's watching professional wrestling, I'd rather read.
WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?
Reading, listening to music, collecting items, clothing, people.....
MOUNTAINS OR BEACHES:
AND
AS A HOMEMAKER, WHAT JOB DO YOU HATE THE MOST?
I wouldn't really classify myself as a homemaker....that's so.....50's.
PETS?
1 cat, 1 dog, 1 Vicki
DO YOU TRUST THE CURRENT PRESIDENT ENOUGH TO RE-ELECT HIM THIS NOVEMBER?
You couldn't pay me enough to help put George Bush into office again.
Friday, October 22, 2004
My Voting Record
 | You preferred Kerry's statements 89% of the time You preferred Bush's statements 11% of the time Voting purely on the issues you should vote Kerry Who would you vote for if you voted on the issues? Find out now! |
Directions to Casa de Cary
Address = 30690 Carroll Ave. Hayward
880 North (Towards Oakland)
Exit on Whipple/Industrial
Follow exit slightly to left, and then straight through the light.
Keep following it straight as the road forks to the left.
You will be merging onto Industrial into the far right lane.
Drive straight until you get to Mission, and turn right onto Mission.
Drive straight until you get to Fairway, and turn right onto Fairway.
Drive all the way to the end & find a place to park. We are on the right corner of Fairway & Carroll
Lost? 510-324-8778
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
I didn't THINK this needed to be said.....but I guess I was wrong....
The HOUSEWARMING/HALLOWEEN party that my VANILLA husband & I are having on the 30th.....is NOT a BDSM and/or sex party.
Co-workers, neighbors, family & people under the age of 18 WILL be here.
If this is a problem.....then I'm sure you can find more entertaining places to go, say at The Citadel.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Tooting my Own Horn
For the last 2 years -
I've gotten the highest rating that my company gives to non-exempt (hourly) employees.
Damn, I'm good. Or as the reviews say.....SUPERIOR. :)
Monday, October 18, 2004
Honestly shalyndra I didn't copy you!!
Pain? Moi?
Painful Nightmare
What sort of Nightmare are you?
brought to you by Quizilla I'm an exhibitionist, she was a stripper....
You're Lili St. Cyr!
What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla I'm hot & bitter?
You're an Espresso
What Kind of Coffee are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Painful Nightmare
What sort of Nightmare are you?
brought to you by Quizilla I'm an exhibitionist, she was a stripper....
You're Lili St. Cyr!
What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla I'm hot & bitter?
You're an Espresso
What Kind of Coffee are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Am I Unique?
Friday, October 15, 2004
Haunted Housewarming
If you can see this....that means you''re invited. :) (Some people may get more than 1 copy since I'm doing Tribe & email too)
Well, we're starting to get settled here in Hayward, and we're getting the house nicely decorated for Halloween, so it must be time for a combination Halloween/Housewarming party!
Where:
Hayward/Union City border (RSVP gets you directions)
When:
Oct 30th, 7PM until we kick you out.
Why:
Heck if I know...
Who:
You!
What (we will be providing):
Some snacks, some alcohol... nothing too elaborate since Rik is still not working. If you want to bring something to eat or drink to share, that would be great.
Costumes are not mandatory, but are strongly encouraged.
Here's a preview pic of what we have up so far... www.perfessorevil.com/images/flagpole1.jpg
I don't think you will have any problems figuring out which house is ours.
Let us know if you are planning on attending, and how many.
Thanks!
Rik and Heather (Valia)
ME me ME me ME
Huh, this one seems fairly accurate.
| Your Personality As Determined By Your Hair by Liriel_Nightrose | |
|---|---|
| Your Name | |
| Your Hair Length | |
| Your Hair Thickness | |
| Your Hair Color | |
| Your Hair Style | |
| The Good News is that You/You | have no trouble making friends, the life of the party, gives the world the finger |
| The Bad News is that You/You | are quick to speak without thinking, very opinionated, quick-tempered, can be very bossy |
| Quiz created with MemeGen! | |
Thursday, October 14, 2004
I'm a Copy Cat
Name a CD you own that no-one else on your friends list does:
Bagpipes & Drums of Scotland
Name a book you own that no-one else on your friends list does:
By Love Betrayed - Sandra DuBay
Name a movie you own on DVD/VHS/whatever that no-one else on your friends list does:
Bloodsucking Freaks
Name a place that you have visited that no-one else on your friends list has:
Beaver Island, Michigan
Which Fits Me?
My Birth Name - Heather
Name Origin: English
Number of Syllables: 2.00
Gender: Female
More interesting facts about the name Heather:
Lucky Number: 2
Ruling Planet: The Moon
Element: Water
Primary Color: Orange (NO!)
Traits: Sensitive, domestic(HA!). Tends to be emotional and easily influenced to tears(True). Has a fertile imagination. Very fond of the home. Patriotic(Not Really). Accepts changes in surroundings(Usually). Prefers to live near the water. Often possesses musical talents(Does singing count?) and would make a very good psychic.
My Chosen Name - Valia
Name Origin: Not available or unknown
Number of Syllables: 3.00
Gender: Male (OH REALLY?)
More interesting facts about the name Valiant:
Lucky Number: 7
Ruling Planet: Neptune
Element: Water
Primary Color: Violet
Traits: Frequently possesses E.S.P. Extremely "psychic"(I used to be...dormant now); Introvert(Nope). Although s/he does not say much, s/he usually knows a great deal. Mysterious. Often interested in psychology(Got my BA in it), psychiatry, chemistry, and botany. Knowledgeable in astrology and all fields of the occult. Fond of fishing(NOT!). Inclined to take from the "haves" and give to the "have nots".
http://www.thenamesite.com/
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Feeling.....brave?
I remember this as some sort of exercise....can't recall where/when I saw it....but here it goes.
Name 1 thing about me that you think is good, or that I do well. (Physical attributes do not count).
Name 1 thing that you think I need to change or work on. (Same caveat as above)
Feel free to comment anonymously if that makes you more comfortable.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Doonesbury
Anyone ever looked at the URL's that Doonesbury will sometimes reference in the dialogue of their comic strips?
I got curious & looked at today's. Interesting reading, even for the non-political types such as me.
http://www.theunionleader.com/articles_showa.html?article=44657
Tuesday, October 5, 2004
Rocky Horror Political Show
Normally I don't pass these on....but this one was pretty funny.
http://new.sendafriend.com/funpages/view.cfm/5809
Monday, October 4, 2004
Feminine Musings
So what the hell does a femme girl wear with one of these things anyways?
https://secure.utilikilts.com/catalog-survival-index.htm I bought it in the sage color.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Choose
Costume for previous post....
Purple leather collar, wrist & ankle cuffs
and either
White lace bra, white lace panties, and white fishnets
OR
Black lace bra, black satin panties, and black fishnets
Opinions?
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Sanity Check?
Ok, let me put out first....I am not intending to offend anyone, or to start a fight/argument/loud discussion.
So...those of you that know me....know as far as BDSM goes, I ID as top/dominant/sadist.
There is a Halloween themed Queer BDSM party on the Friday before Halloween.
I'm toying with the idea of being a bottom/submissive/masochist for the party, as my 'costume.'
I have matching collar, wrist & ankle cuffs, plenty of outfits that I could wear....and I'm thinking of having a trusted friend or 3 join Vicki in a scene of topping me (thuddy floggers, sensual stuff, maybe violet wand....nothing stingy, or too intense of a sensation, since I am not that much of a pain-slut).
Keep in mind that if I do this, it's my way (yes I top from the bottom, get over it). All limits should be adhered to, and I will end the 'masquerade' at the slightest provocation.
Monday, September 27, 2004
My Weekend in a paragraph or so.
A weekend with my beloved & devoted submissive.
A weekend seeing lovely people doing lovely things to each other.
A weekend fooling around with an intelligent, sexy & sweet brunette.
A new flogger, crop & my 1st Utilikilt, in sage green.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
What does it REALLY mean?
Which OS are You?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)